Parents of disabled children explain why ‘Welcome to Holland’ poem changed the way they saw life

No parent is fully prepared to raise a child with special needs, but they learn to adapt and grow over time. Of course, the journey is tough, but it is equally rewarding if only parents see beyond their kids' limitations. Emily Perl Kingsley, a mother to a child with Down syndrome, truly understands this, and so she wrote a poem in 1987 to comfort other parents struggling to accept kids with special needs. Similarly, as Dr. Katie (@dr.katie.h) tried navigating life with her autistic son, her friend gifted her the poem "Welcome to Holland," knowing just how much she might resonate with it. 

Just like any other parent, Dr. Katie, too, never anticipated a neurodivergent child, and hence, she and her husband had a tough time accepting the reality. Assuring that her journey as a mother may be different but not exactly unpleasant, Katie's friend gave her the poem, which now serves her as a source of comfort. "When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans," she began reciting the poem.

"After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags, and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes on and says, 'Welcome to Holland,'" she continued, metaphorically explaining how parents expecting healthy kids feel when they're told about their kids with disabilities. "'Holland?' You say, 'What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I’m supposed to be in Italy," Dr. Katie continued reading.

Kingsley's beautiful poem then delved into how parents with special needs kids must realize their journey isn't horrible or disgusting; rather, it's just different than others. "So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met," the poem reads. "But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, 'Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.' And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss," Dr. Katie broke down while reciting these particular lines.

"But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland," she continued. In 2021, UNICEF reported that there are nearly 240 million kids with disabilities worldwide. Imagine if every one of them could understand the depth of the poem; how wonderful it would be for those children.

Meanwhile, reacting to the video, @shanndiego shared, "I understand this to the core of my being. Our beautiful baby girl is 5, autistic, and nonverbal. I realize people with children without disabilities may feel for you, but they will never truly understand the depth of your pain and anxiety for your child. Yes, you have Holland, and it’s beautiful, but you still mourn the loss of Italy. That’s not an ungrateful thing because you love Holland unimaginably. There is so much behind this analogy… It’s a whole other story in itself. Many hugs to you and your family."

A user, @toni, wrote, "My mum really got it right by not expecting anything in particular when her children were born. When she was pregnant with me, she was told there was a risk I’d have Down syndrome and was offered a test. She declined because she was totally open to whoever I was when I was born. I am autistic. She never grieved anything because I was perfect to her." Echoing the sentiments, @speechlady53 said, "As a retired speech-language pathologist, I read this years ago and often shared it with parents of my pediatric clients. It especially touched me, as my firstborn’s name is Holland."

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