She expected a proposal after discovering a hidden ring at boyfriend's place— until the real engagement photos revealed who it was for

Can a relationship be considered healthy if one partner places a marriage ultimatum on the other? A 26-year-old man who goes by the Reddit username u/ringaccident had the same confusion after his girlfriend, Laura, reacted furiously to a misunderstanding involving an engagement ring. The couple had been together for more than two years after meeting in college, and he believed they had a pretty "healthy relationship," until one photo online unexpectedly brought out a side of her he had never seen before. The post has garnered 20,000 upvotes and 4,500 comments.

The secret

A month before things got out of hand, Rob, the author's friend, had planned to propose to his long-time girlfriend, Grace. Since Rob and Grace lived together, he asked the author to keep the ring safe so Grace would not find it. The author hid it in the back of his sock drawer and had forgotten about it until Rob asked for it back. The proposal was a success, and the happy couple took to Instagram to announce their engagement.

One of the photos included a clear shot of the ring. Five minutes after Grace shared the photos, Laura called her boyfriend, furious. She fired a series of questions about the ring, admitting that she had actually found it three weeks ago. She thought it was meant for her, and was hurt that he gave her ring to Rob and Grace. She even suspected that Grace was "mocking" her with those photos. The man tried to explain that the ring was always meant for Grace, and he had not even thought of proposing, but that upset her further.

Red flag or not?

After a while, she texted him with an ultimatum, telling him that he had three months to propose to her with a better ring, and if he did not comply, she would break up with him. This caught him by surprise because the Laura he knew had always been rational and calm. It made him question several things about his relationship. He even admitted, "I am 100% not ready for marriage." Other than that, he also felt that his privacy had been breached because she was snooping through his things. They did not live together, so it did not make sense why she would look into his drawers. Since this was their first big fight, he could not tell if the way she reacted was a red flag or not.

Relationship boundaries

Even if two people are in a relationship, crossing certain boundaries can lead to unavoidable conflict. A YouGov poll conducted in 2019 surveyed how many people have snooped through their partner's phones. The results showed that at least 19% of participants had gone through their partner's phone without their permission, and surprisingly, 73% of them were not remorseful for doing so. 33% of the people who snooped confessed that they found proof of what they had suspected. 

While Laura did not go through her boyfriend's phone, she did something similar by going through his drawers and found something she shouldn't have. Additionally, a BuzzFeed poll for red flags and green flags in a relationship revealed that 61% consider cleaning a partner's bedroom when they're not home a green flag. 

Readers caution the author

People in the comments suggested that the reason why Laura flew off the rails was that she had told people her boyfriend was going to propose, only to find out it was not for her. Several netizens advised the author not to push himself into marriage if he was not truly ready, just because of the 3-month ultimatum. u/GnomeToTheDome wrote, "Let her cool off and talk to her then, man. Actually have the marriage/living together conversation and then see where it goes." u/SexyToasterStrudel commented, "Huge red flag. No healthy and successful marriage starts with an ultimatum."

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