Reforming people-pleaser explains why he believes being 'nice' to everyone is ruining lives

We often ignore our convictions and try to be the "nice" person by doing what people around us ask of us. However, one man believes that "being nice" can ruin our lives and he does have a valid point. Kevin Tavas Villanueva–who goes by @ktvill on TikTok–shared in a video why he thinks being nice to others is not good for an individual. He starts the video by saying that he is on a quest to understand why he was this "perfect kind of child" who was "easy-going" and "easy to be around" while growing up but now finds it difficult to connect to people.

He says in the video, "I feel like I don't know what I wanna do in life. I don't know what I want to pursue. I feel like I'm in this kind of connection with between like I'm lost or maybe I know what I want to do. Where I'm also on this kind of path where I feel like I know a lot of people, but I don't have close relationships with people." Villanueva shares that he has concluded that his "whole nicety people-pleasing tendency" is what is stopping him from living a fruitful and amazing life. He then talks about why people say that a person is nice. "They pretty much mean there's no friction between you and them," he explains. Villanueva says a problem with not having friction is that one needs to bend to other people's will and their likes and dislikes.

"You have to say 'yes' all the time because when you finally say 'no' - there is friction and if you're someone who has not practiced that kind of idea of friction, then anything that has to do with the slightest bit of friction with other people feels like, 'Oh my God, they're gonna hate me,'" he explains. After this, Villanueva talks about how not being 'nice' works out. "Not being nice means that you can be honest and truthful about anything you want to say. Not being nice pretty much makes you feel like your authentic self. Doesn't matter if you are going to hurt the other person or not, they're not gonna like what you're gonna say," he elaborates. 

By doing this, one can convey their assertions, beliefs and convictions. "A lot of people let go of their conviction, what they value, because they want other people to like them. It means you are not going to have those difficult conversations," he says. He states that the person becomes "emotionally untrustworthy" because they say "yes" when they don't want to. Villanueva then shares that being not nice gives the person control over their lives.

"You can say yes whenever you want and no whenever you want," he expresses. "You are not shackled by other people's opinions." Villanueva then speaks about how he has been nice all his life and that he was the "most depressed" when people loved him during those times only. "Now I'm starting to switch to like every time I heard the word, 'Oh my God, you are so nice,' I wanna be able to train myself to be like that is cringy. I don't want that anymore," he shares. 

He continues, "It's true, we could use to be a little less nice and to love ourselves more and to be able to not give a f**k what other people will think, what other people will say but for once make ourselves proud of ourselves." He says that other people's lives are not our responsibility. However, he also spoke about how having resentment in oneself for yourself or towards others is a problem. "I dislike myself for being nice for the longest time because I could have built stronger relationships by just not being nice and I think that's the goal before the end of the year. It's time to reclaim the life that you want and that starts with just not being nice," he concludes.

The video garnered nearly five million views on the platform. People could resonate with what he shared. @jovanicamarena commented, "People pleasing is actually a form of manipulation. You want people to see you in a certain light (albeit positive). You need to be yourself but also set boundaries." @ashleighjewels wrote, "That's why I try to stay away from people because I'm a people pleaser and it's hard." @dy_cmcmcmcmcmcm expressed, "Still be nice, kind, and polite. Just erase that feeling of wanting to be liked by others. It doesn't really matter. It's up to them on how they interpret your actions."

You can follow Kevin Tavas Villanueva (@ktvills_) on TikTok for more content on life advice.