Tired of awkward questions, queer daughter gives mom sassy 'cheat sheet' to counter judgmental relatives

Many people struggle to accept others' lifestyles and preferences. While everyone is entitled to their opinion, they have no right to disturb the peace of others or throw hate at them. A queer woman who goes by @lovebeav knew she and her mom would receive judgmental comments from relatives while attending her grandmother’s funeral, especially because of their popular content on social media. So, she and her mom got together and decided to counter them with sassy responses, rehearsing them beforehand. Sharing it on their Instagram account on December 12, the Beaver family found hundreds of fans supporting their method.

The duo sat together and visualized all the hateful comments they might receive. The mom pointed out one to be about her weight and appearance. To rip off that accusation, the duo chose a subtly ignorant response. “That’s an interesting perspective. What do you think of the weather we’ve been having?” she said. The next ruthless remark targeted the daughter’s identity as a queer person with a sly dose of disrespect. “It’s no wonder that your daughter has turned into a lesbian with the way you all have been so open about your inappropriate lifestyle and everything,” the comment read.

To this, the ideal response planned was, “We’re not for everyone. I like me and we like ourselves.  We’re comfortable with who we are.” However, the response didn’t stop there. Along with defending themselves, they also had to leave a lasting impact so their relatives would think twice before making such remarks to anyone again. So they added, “Your passion is refreshing. Would you like sweet or unsweet tea?” The third comment targeted the family’s confidence and popularity. “Gosh, I would never be able to do what you do,” the remark read, adding that it was “embarrassing” to be posting content of oneself like that.

As the mom read the responses, there was something adorable about her personality and voice. However, she knew how to use it to deliver epic comebacks. To this comment, the reply was, “Well, I love to hear your opinion. Would you like a catfish dinner?” Another statement was, “How could you let your daughter parade like that with her lifestyle at the funeral?” It also added that while the person doesn’t care how others live their lives, they had a problem with seeing the daughter show up. “Well then, you can go f**k yourself,” the mom responded. She then shared a list of other responses they had on backup.

“If you don’t like the fact that my family and I are affected by the woke mind virus, then you can crawl into a hole and f**k yourself,” one read. Another said, “Get yourself something to eat, and when you’re done, go f**k yourself.” There was one comment the mom didn’t prepare a response for — “Do you have a job or are you trying that getting famous thing?” but undoubtedly, their creative minds will come up with a banger response.

Experts shared with The New York Times how people can avoid passing remarks. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist in New York City, suggests being observant about when you’re about to say something and take a moment. Erica Schwartzberg, a psychotherapist in New York City, added that pausing gives a break to develop valid reasoning. Hafeez noted that in that moment you take before blurting a remark, you can try a different approach. Instead of commenting, check in on the person.

“Question instead of presuming,” she said. And that doesn’t mean you throw passive-aggressive questions; they should be questions of concern. On a side note, consider the occasion you have arrived at and then converse; it keeps judgment at bay. In this case, if the relatives consider they’re at a funeral, they can ask the mother-daughter duo how they’re holding up instead of these obnoxious questions. Many stole the cheat sheet from the duo, while others shared the comebacks they treasure. @therainbowmidwife said, “I am leaning on the script, ‘Wow, that’s a brave thing to say out loud.’” @kamiorange remarked, “THIS IS GOLD. This is so gorgeous. I’m adding this to my collection of boundary phrases!” 

You can follow (@lovebeav) on Instagram for more content on family and lifestyle.

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