Psychotherapist teaches teenagers 3 basic steps to spot 'mean girls' in high school

Dealing with toxic friends isn't easy. In fact, it only gets worse if they come into your life in your teens. Your teenage years are when you slowly understand life, and any form of negativity affects your perspective. As parents, it's difficult to see kids get disappointed with unhealthy friendships, but how do we safeguard them? Well, Christina King (@christinakinglmft), a teen therapist from California, can help you like no one else. On November 5, King posted a video explaining 3 steps for teenagers to spot 'mean girls' and stay absolutely far away from them.

King was reviewing a research paper when she realized it confirmed exactly how she thought she could help teenagers face mean girls. She explained how kids should consciously choose friends. "When looking at choosing friends wisely, we are looking at how to know what a good friendship feels like. When do you feel safe with a friendship? What are the stages of development of a friendship? And how do you know you can trust someone?" she added. King then went on to explain three red flags that will help teen girls immediately realize who they should absolutely stay away from. At number one, she urged them to look out for dominant group leaders. "If there is a dominant group leader, then it's more likely to be social aggression," King added. Next, she explained how it's important to notice if different people in the group have different opinions, activities, and interests. "If so, that's going to be a good sign," King said. Moving on, she shared the third point, which is to analyze how conflicts are dealt with. "If you are seeing or hearing about conflict being something that's passive-aggressive, non-verbal communication, more like a death stare, gossiping, rumors, or things of that nature, those are all going to be warning signs," she mentioned. 

The paper King was referring to is titled 'Collaborative conversations: adolescent girls' own strategies for managing conflict within their friendship groups' by Jillian Huntley and Larry Owens. The results state: "The main things girls reported that they disliked about their friendship groups were what they described as ‘bitchiness’, which included spreading rumours, being excluded from the group, breaches of trust, attention-seeking and competitiveness." King's strategies do overlap with some of the findings from Huntley and Owen's surveys, but another factor highlighted by the original researchers truly stands out: "If you feel comfortable talk to whoever is upsetting you one-on-one. See if you can sit down and work it out, without involving others." Though ranked low by the respondents, this strategy is a great way to test if a friendship even truly exists.

Meanwhile, reacting to King's video, @ciao.ciara said, "You literally just described my 'friend group' I had in my 20s. It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve spoken to them, and I recently heard they still speak badly of me and my best friend… They literally have nothing in common besides loving to talk badly about others. They never grew out of it." @raeofsunshinepress commented, "These warning signs are spot on, and the skills to make friends, maintain friendships, and establish boundaries are so important."

@georgem1710 commented, "Believe it or not, these red flags are happening amongst a group of girls at my FOUR-year-old’s preschool. It’s heartbreaking." Similarly, @katmck suggested, "Listen to how they talk about 'former' group members or 'former' girlfriends of male group members. This can be huge too!" @jooleemau wrote, "This is true for boys too. I'm seeing quite a bit of gossiping, put-downs, etc. in preteen boys."  @liv_c_98 commented, "I needed this when entering high school. So much would have been different if I had been taught this. Thank you for giving girls the tools to avoid what I went through." @tennilleisthecaptain wrote, "Not just teens. Try this being in a mommy group. It’s the same thing, and it's really tough, no matter the age."

You can follow Christina King (@christinakinglmft) for more teen-related content.

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