Psychology professor explains how to deal with people when they’re angry with you
Anger researcher Dr. Ryan Martin says it's important to understand if their anger is justified and then take it from there.
Anger is one of the most powerful emotions, and watching someone direct their anger at you can genuinely be frightening, and it can be debilitating. Each person is unique and there's no one-size-fits-all solution to responding to someone getting mad at you, but anger researcher Dr. Ryan Martin is sharing videos on TikTok about how we can respond to them. Ryan Martin has is a professor of Psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay and has been researching anger and its many expressions, reported Bored Panda. He has been studying the reasons why people get angry and how they can direct it towards a more productive avenue.
How do you react to someone being mad at you? Ryan Martin says the very first thing we need to understand is, whether the person is justified in being angry at you. It's the starting point for your reaction. Martin says there can be times when the anger is justified but could be hurting you over a mistake you made. Communication is the key, says Martin. He gives tips on how to react to situations when someone's shouting at you but he stresses that results can vary because each human being is sharply different from another. Martin provides a general guideline that you can use to help navigate such situations.
Dr. Ryan Martin also hosts a popular psychology podcast, Psychology and Stuff. He has more than 110k followers on TikTok and regularly posts content related to anger, anger management, and human psychology. Martin says it's important to engage with the other person in a calm manner to not escalate matters. When they resort to insulting you or making unnecessary comments, you can let them know it's not acceptable. “I made a mistake and I’ll fix it but you shouldn’t treat me that way,” Dr. Martin advises his followers to say.
“If you stay calm and even lower your voice a little bit, they are likely to match that and lower their voice a little bit,” said Martin in one video. When a few people shared instances of the other person refusing to engage, he posted another video about dealing with the situation. “First thing I would say is to find a way to communicate with them that serves your relationship: text, phone, in person, whatever. Say something to the effect of the following: ‘I believe you are angry with me. It seems you don’t want to talk about it. That’s OK but when you are, I am ready.’”
As for angry interactions over text, Martin says it's best to respond to anger is not with anger, and rather ask directly about the source of their anger with questions like: “Can you tell me more about why you’re mad?” or “How would you like to resolve this?” Even if they are not responding, let them know that you're willing to repair the relationship and wait for them to respond. There was a mixture of responses to his TikTok videos but many said his approach was helpful with some vowing to try his methods when they find themselves in such situations.
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