Being in a constant state of fear that your partner is upset with you is not good. Dr. Nicole LePera has shared some ways to identify the problem.
Disturbing childhood experiences often cast long shadows over our adult lives, and one area where this is particularly evident is in our relationships. A common manifestation of this lingering influence is hypervigilance, a state of constant alertness to potential threats, even in spaces where we seek comfort and connection. This hypervigilance can persist due to past traumas, such as emotional, mental, physical abuse or ongoing feelings of insecurity and criticism. Dr. Nicole LePera (@theholisticpsychologist) sheds light on how relationship hypervigilance manifests itself in a TikTok video.
According to Dr. Nicole LePera, relationship hypervigilance takes root in the constant apprehension that someone harbors anger or dissatisfaction. It nurtures anxiety and an incessant monitoring of emotions. LePera exemplifies this phenomenon in several ways: Firstly, overexplaining becomes a compulsive habit. Individuals find themselves profusely apologizing and meticulously detailing why they couldn't fulfill their partner's expectations, sometimes going so far as to berate themselves for minor mishaps.
Secondly, they assume unwarranted accountability for their partner's actions without inquiry. In scenarios like neglecting household chores, they concoct excuses and shoulder blame for tasks that were never theirs to begin with. Thirdly, there's a perpetual monitoring of their partner's emotions. Questions like "Are you mad at me?" frequently arise as individuals attempt to predict and placate any negative emotions their partner might hold, even at the expense of suppressing their own feelings
Fourthly, trust and security in the relationship are elusive. Even when reassured that everything is fine, hypervigilant individuals persist in overexplaining, assuming undue responsibility, and doubting the authenticity of their partner's emotions. They constantly seek signs of approval and scramble to devise ways to please their significant other. Lastly, racing thoughts persistently whisper that someone harbors resentment. Reassurance rarely quells the underlying fear of being disliked, leading to relentless efforts to win approval. But what causes this hypervigilance in relationships? It often has roots in various sources. Some may have learned this behavior from their parents, normalizing disproportionate emotional reactions and hypervigilant thought patterns during their upbringing.
Trust issues within the relationship can also exacerbate hypervigilance, making it challenging to feel secure. The fear of giving one's partner space, out of the dread that they might leave, further reinforces this pattern of hyperawareness. In conclusion, the scars of our past experiences can profoundly shape how we navigate and perceive our relationships. Recognizing and addressing hypervigilance is crucial for fostering healthier connections where trust and security can truly flourish. By understanding the origins of this hypervigilance and working to break free from its grip, individuals can create more fulfilling and secure relationships, unburdened by the constant fear of inadequacy and rejection. It is a process of healing and growth that allows us to build stronger, more genuine connections with our loved ones.