Psychologist explains the five important steps to apologize correctly

One might be well aware that people have different love languages and show and accept affection in different ways. However, have you ever wondered why people might respond to different forms of apology as well? The book "The 5 Apology Languages," written by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas, explores five apology languages and how one can identify the apology language of their loved ones. It also explains how paying attention to apology languages can help make an effective apology and mend relationships.

According to the book, the five apology languages are "expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, planned change and requesting forgiveness." The authors explain that expressing regret, or saying "I am sorry," is often the foundation of most apologies, though it may not always be sufficient. This type of apology helps the other person understand that you recognize the hurt you've caused. It can also be reassuring, as hearing an apology might significantly impact how the person perceives the situation moving forward. The book also highlights that a person’s body language during an apology is crucial, as it helps the other person gauge the sincerity of the apology.

The authors also emphasize the importance of explaining what you are sorry for after making an apology and discussing the issue to clear the air. The second apology language is "accepting responsibility," or saying "I was wrong." The book highlights how accepting responsibility for one's actions and working to correct them is a sign of maturity. For many, it is essential that the other person acknowledges their wrongdoings in order to move forward and put the situation behind them. "People who prefer this language appreciate clear accountability and understanding of why things went wrong," psychologist Kate Daly told Cosmopolitan. Another way to apologize is by "making restitution," or repenting.

This form of apology involves asking a person, "How can I make it right?" as per TODAY.com. In this type of apology, it’s important to sincerely ask the other person what can be done to make amends for the wrongdoings or what would help them feel better. The key to this apology language is genuinely wanting to make things right. The fourth apology language is "planned change," where a person takes concrete steps to address the issue and ensures that the same mistake doesn’t happen again in the future. In this case, explaining the actions you’ll take to prevent the offending incident from recurring is crucial.

The final apology language is asking for forgiveness, or asking, "Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" In this approach, a person must be patient and take steps that ultimately lead to forgiveness. "Forgiveness shouldn’t be demanded. Acknowledge that you value that it shows respect and humility," Daly told Cosmopolitan. Thomas and Chapman also emphasize that an apology may not carry the same meaning for everyone. To offer a meaningful apology, it’s essential to connect with the other person, as highlighted in the book.