Professor explains the reason why people stay in unhappy marriages and expect bare minimum

People often choose to stay in relationships that make them feel they are in a comfort zone, even if it may come with affliction. Humans inherently do not like change. Since humans, as a species, are quite adaptable, we adapt to our misery as well. Unhappy marriages are something that we have all witnessed at one time or another or maybe even experienced ourselves. Even though neither spouse is satisfied in the relationship, it has dragged on for years with little to no sign of improvement.

However, Professor Neil, a teacher on TikTok—who goes on the platform by @professorneil—revealed the heartbreaking truth behind why two dejected couples continue to live together. People remain in unhealthy relationships for a variety of reasons. The two main factors that immediately come to mind are having children and having financial stability, but according to Professor Neil, there is one even worse factor. The answer is comfort in misery. People find a tolerable level of unhappiness in their relationships and think it is a part of all relationships. That way, they convince themselves to stay at a place that isn't the best option for them. This weird occurrence makes people wonder what exactly binds two individuals who merely pass one another like two ships in the night.

He began the video by reading the viewer's question, "I don't understand why you'd want to be with a partner who wanted to leave but couldn't rather than a partner who could leave but doesn't want to." The professor made no frills of it, stating that many people have discovered that being in a committed relationship entails putting up with "a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness." This specific statement is credited to a TikTok user, "@sharhenley_," who used it in a story about a man whose partner had suddenly abandoned him without warning. He was found to be acutely aware of her suffering but had expected she would endure it with him.

According to Professor Neil, the term "tolerable" describes both the kind of suffering and how long it lasts. He says that while neither partner is in complete anguish or going through terror, the sadness is manageable. They believe that things may be far worse than they now are. The idea that happiness is at its peak and will always be there, never getting worse, is implied by tolerance as a permanent condition of existence. Everyone has reached their limit of suffering and they have consciously decided to stay there. It gives them a sense of security to know exactly how horrible it will always be. Basically, the predictability of unhappiness overrules all else.

People who have come to understand the importance of marital happiness have a distinct perspective. This point of view is utter gibberish to those who think that in order to be happy, one should work toward it and deserve happiness. However, it totally makes sense to those who have been conditioned to put up with a poor relationship. They have discovered that uncertainty is common in relationships and that it is an emotion they ought to always experience. As terrible as it may seem, it is a source of comfort to those unhappy. After all, permanent unhappiness is always better than potentially worse unhappiness for them. It is owed to the fact that they cannot fathom the latter option to be potential happiness as well.