Husband demands pregnant wife 'cut back' on grocery bills. Her calm reply is making women feel seen
Despite being 35 weeks pregnant, Rowan was still working and cooking for a family of four every day.
Women are often the ones who compromise — whether it's eating the smaller slice of cake or giving up a career to be a mom. A woman named Kathleen Rowan (@kathleen.rowan.co) had an eye-opening realization when her husband asked her to budget better with groceries. In her post shared on March 9, the 35-week-pregnant mom recalled her husband's stress over increasing grocery bills and asked her to figure something out. This time, she took a stand; she chose not to “shrink” like women are always silently compelled to. The mom had a simple, calm, but empowering response that has women cheering her on.
Rowan mentioned that despite being 35 weeks pregnant, she was still adjusting in her marriage. She was simultaneously working and cooking for a family of four every day, and the mental load was unfathomable. To add to it, her husband asked her to “cut back” or “buy cheaper” stuff so they can reduce costs. She didn’t deny that they needed to figure out ways to save. However, she refused to take on the toll all by herself, and her powerful yet composed response reflected it. She said, “You can start cooking 50/50. Or you can eat less.”
The husband stood with his jaw on the floor, but the prospect didn’t seem too strange for female viewers since it's something women have been hearing all their lives. We must 'shrink' so as to not take up too much room; we must take care of others' comfort; we must put our cravings aside to pursue the altruistic ideal of putting others first. It has become so normal that it's expected of women as a duty. “I’ve spent my whole life being told to eat less, take up less space, shrink,” Rowan noted. From a young age, many women are taught to take the backseat so others can flourish. This time, however, Rowan was not just feeding herself; she had a baby, and there was no room for “adjusting,” be it physically or mentally.
"My body is expanding. My needs are non-negotiable. And it’s exposing how much I’ve been accommodating everywhere else,” she remarked. When she asked her husband to “eat less,” it felt offensive, but to women, it's mentioned as an alternative to keep things going. The mom mentioned how, despite her husband being someone who is economical by nature, “eating less” was not a solution at all because he’s never been exposed to that kind of scenario. “It’s not that I want him to eat less, it’s not that he’s being entitled, it’s about how gendered this is across cultures,” she added. Often, women are celebrated for being strong, sacrificial, and selfless; the problem is that these compliments mask a caged stereotype.
According to a Deloitte Report, only 51% of women reported their mental health to be good. 90% of respondents felt their manager would think negatively of them if they told them they were experiencing worries or struggles. When it comes to chores at home, be it cleaning, looking after kids, or handling finances, women said they shoulder the highest responsibility of all. And the difference between men and women ranged from 20% tp 40%. Author of “The Yes Woman,” Grace Jennings-Edquist, shared with The Guardian how women lose much of their lives with the constant nodding.
Out of the fear of “being accused of being rude, mean or — shock horror — selfish,” many females ignore boundaries and burden themselves with more than they can handle — be it work, relationships, or even parenting. “In a world where being accommodating — saying yes — is drilled into women from girlhood, saying no at home can feel jarring at first,” the author noted. And that’s why it's crucial to take those steps and put out boundaries.
As Rowan revealed in a comment, her husband wasn't the problem, and actually understood her perspective and discussed better with her. @vanessaschwippert wrote, "I love how there's a problem, and it's UP TO YOU ALONE to fix it." @arcwoman added, "The fact that many women go 50-50 on groceries with their partner and they eat way more than them is kind of crazy to me."
You can follow Kathleen Rowan (@kathleen.rowan.co) on Instagram for more content on family and lifestyle.
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