Person refuses to support grieving co-worker, citing lack of support during own loss

Losing a loved one is never easy, and grieving takes time. To help, many companies offer bereavement leave, but one company went further by asking employees to contribute to a "condolence money" fund for grieving coworkers. However, one employee, u/1007pineapples, shared on Reddit that this practice felt unfair when none of their coworkers contributed during their time of loss. Frustrated, they decided to stop contributing to the fund, sparking a debate online.

The employee explained that HR would pass around envelopes for coworkers to contribute money to support grieving families. "I always contributed, from $10 to $100, depending on how close I was to the colleague," they shared. But when their grandmother passed away overseas, no one contributed to their envelope. As an immigrant, the employee couldn’t return home and had to use annual leave instead of bereavement leave since HR required a death certificate.

"The HR did not arrange for collection of 'condolence money' for my grandmother, after the many times of me offering up mine to my colleagues' deceased families. I know they need a death certificate as proof, but it would be very inappropriate for me to ask my extended family for her death certificate," the employee pointed out. However, they were frustrated when HR handed out envelopes for condolence money for another colleague. "It just did not hit me well, so this time, I refused to offer any money. When the HR asked why, I told them how unfair I felt when it was always me paying for others and nobody paid my family anything when my grandmother passed," they explained.

According to HR, the lack of their grandmother's death certificate was why they didn't collect the condolence money. HR also mentioned that the money was "supposed to be a form of prayer, not exchange." But the employee held their ground and refused to offer money and this caused them to receive some disapproving looks in the office. The comment section had varied responses. Some pointed out that the employee shouldn't expect condolence money. "You suddenly decided to stop contributing to others because you didn't get anything yourself. You have to know how selfish that sounds. Life isn't fair, and you don't always get what you give," said u/Sting_like_a_Vespa. "If you're that distant in the relationship, why would it be appropriate for you to be collecting condolence money?" added u/Cent1234.

"If I were you, I would make it known to your officemates, politely, how you didn't receive anything when your grandmother died after years of making these contributions yourself. Hopefully, some of them will have enough shame to make it up to you in some way," pointed out u/SuLiaodai. "It's not always possible to get a death certificate quickly. I would complain to HR that the requirements are unfair and have the potential to open employees up to bullying and try to get the practice stopped," remarked u/hitsujiTMO. "If the company believes employees are entitled to condolence money, then they should be paying it. It's unethical for you to be pressured into it. You shouldn't be compelled to contribute and your reason for not wanting to is irrelevant," chimed in a Reddit user.