Sometimes even some of the most candid and not-so-well-thought-out responses turn out to be a hilarious moment.
We all know at least one person who can turn any tense situation into a chucklesome one with their clever yet hysterical lines. It's their timely rendition of sarcastic, pun-intended and comical responses to a situation or to something that has been said that makes them witty. Also, there are times when people don't even realize that they've said something witty and just their simple unfiltered response can crack up the room. Reddit user u/SubmergingOriginal probably knew the potential of wittiness to lighten up the mood. Tired of seeing posts that talk about the dumbest things someone has said or done, they posted in the community asking, "Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?" Over a thousand unique and hilarious responses swarmed in and here are the best 10 wittiest things that people have heard someone say.
My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant. My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites. He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, “MAY I HELP YOU!?!?” He answered, “Thanks, but I know how to read,” and went back to his paper. u/jobrody. Had a similar situation and stole a line from Ringo Starr. Bloke saw me reading the paper in work clothes while I waited for a friend and asked me “Excuse me, can I ask what you’re up to?” I replied “Page 5.” u/Albot084
My brother-in-law’s comment. The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest. My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench. My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling around the park. All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches. There was an audible gasp from around the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him. In the confused silence, my brother-in-law’s voice rang out “Praise be! She can walk again!” We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations. u/DdraigGwyn
My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski. After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots. About halfway down, another skier stops and goes "Gee! Did you lose a ski?" My dad instantly replied, "No, I was out for a walk and found one!" u/PeterJoAl. This is a common one in Australia if you ever lose a flip-flop. u/Yuckypigeon
I was a 2nd-grade teacher. After reading a book about a moose the ending was open-ended. I explained that sometimes an author leaves the ending without a clear conclusion so the reader can guess what happens. One sharp girl said, "How moose-sterious!" Another year, asked a girl a question. After she was looking up trying to remember the answer, I said "I don't think you'll find the answer up there." Another girl pipes up, "She's looking to God for answers." u/AdenturousSell-9358
I had to have an endoscopy once. Took my sister as my support person since I was going under general. We were going through the forms with the nurse and got to the question of whether I had someone who could make decisions for me. I looked at my sister and asked “You won’t unplug me prematurely, will you?” Her response? “What if I need to charge my phone?” u/Thepenguinwhat. I've told my family that if I'm ever on life support and fading fast I want them to just pull the plug and wait five seconds and plug it in again. It works for my router, why not for me? u/Miss_Speller
Having lunch at work and one of the interns has a bandage on his arm and the conversation goes to what happened. He says he was doing some admin at home and being harassed by a bee that had got into the house. He killed it and picked up the dead body to put it in the trash. Then he said the dead bee somehow managed to sting him on the arm. Quick as a flash one guy says "So you were attacked by a zom-bee." u/Express-Pie-6902
I had a cousin who bullied me relentlessly when we were children. She was one of those kids that was an Angel around the adults but horrible when it was just us kids. One time, as she was tearing into me about how fat/ugly/stupid I was, my Nana came around the corner behind her and heard everything. When Cousin turned around and saw her, my Nana said, “Honey, you’re not nearly pretty enough to pull off that personality.” u/Mama_Tried77
From my wife. We were bickering in front of family during a holiday dinner or something. Play bickering for fun. It's a family tradition to playfully insult each other at the dinner table. She paused to think of a witty retort so I said something like "Aha, she gives up" Without hesitation, she responded "I'm not giving up, I'm showing mercy. It's unfair to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent." The whole place died laughing. I've never lived it down and never will. She's brilliant. u/Ok-Calligrapher-9854
Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says, “That must be where you get it from.” She cracked the code. I can never offend her without offending myself. u/JennyW93. You can do it in reverse- every time my parents jokingly insult me I tell them I get it from them. u/ItchyAd2698. I just ask them if they think it's genetic or environmental - cause either way, they are responsible. u/Diligent-Wave-4591
I had been out shopping all day with my kids, who at the time were around 5 & 7. I was exhausted and just made up an excuse and said "No more shopping, I have no more money" to which the 7 y/o said deadpan, "You need to get a second job then." u/Saltybutwet. My four-year-old always tells me to just drive to work and grab more money. Also hates the bank because they “take all your money”. Tried to explain to her that I’m just putting it in my account so I can use my cards but she can’t get over me handing them all my actual cash. Very mad about it. u/HighClassHate
IDK if this counts but it's funny. I wasn't there but know the story. My Nana went to a reunion of some sort and one of the women came up and rather snottily said, "Look at you, you've gained so much weight!" My Nana, in her sweetest, grandmotherliest, most Midwestern sort of way said, "Well, someone had to try and keep up with you!" My Nana was the most typical Midwestern grandma ever, so it could be hard to tell if she was insulting you as it would sound so sweet. We also never knew if she was messing with us as she'd keep a joke going forever with the straightest face. u/Willowed-Wisp