People share 10 signs that indicate a person has lived a hard and challenging life

Subtle signs of a hard life 

People can be quick to make judgmental assumptions about others. But it's important to step back and remember that everyone is shaped by their own unique experiences. We can never truly know what someone else is going through, but there are often subtle signs that hint at someone having faced tough times. u/Zealousideal-Age7593 asked people, "What are some signs someone has had a hard life?". Here are 10 of the most insightful answers that people provided.

1. Dualistic character

Two sides of the same coin, they can be compassionate and empathetic because they've walked in those shoes or they are harsh and overly critical as a defense mechanism. u/Icy_Entrepreneur2380. My father was this way, never could put himself first but was the kindest most giving person you’d ever met. Never complained about anything, never got angry. He’d get a little flustered if I did anything more than cook him something to eat, like he wasn’t deserving of it. u/Expressdough. This is so true. I worked with a lady who was a complete sow to most of our coworkers, including me. Until she saw me crying in the kitchen one day and asked me what was wrong. Turns out she had a similar life experience as me and turned into a completely different person to me from then on. u/dtfreakachu

2. Not knowing how to react to kindness 

People who when shown kindness literally don’t know how to take it. u/Training-War1331.  I can relate to this one an awful lot. In addition to being lifelong disabled, I suffered some neglect and emotional abuse throughout my entire childhood. It took me a long time to be able to accept even small kindnesses from others. I just didn’t know what to do and would become more withdrawn from them. Probably threw away a lot of healthy friendships and relationships over this. u/ThatCrippledBastard

3. Having a great sense of humor 

I find people who have been through some s*** have a great sense of humor. Possibly a coping mechanism but some of the funniest people I have met have had a hard life. u/socialswine. My family is cursed with bad luck and very hard times. We kind of embrace it as a strength honestly. My mom passed away from cancer about eight years ago. It absolutely broke my father apart. A few years later and we were having some beers. I asked him how he was coping with it all. He just kinda nodded and said, "You know, I'm getting better, but I bet your mother is doing great now that she doesn't have to put up with our s***!" u/pureblocatchaser

4. Sharing a funny story that's actually traumatic 

They tell you a story they think is funny and it's actually just trauma. u/Arcade_Rat. I worked with a guy who was colorblind. He was telling me about how his dad used to beat him when he'd have trouble identifying the color of an object, all while laughing heartily. u/t0wn. A guy was telling me he respected his dad because "his father ate first at every dinner and if you even tried to eat before him you got your a** kicked". Said it like it was something to be proud of. I was like dude, you didn't respect your dad, you feared him. There's a huge difference my guy. u/Idontdanceforfun

5. Being calm in stressful situations 

Staying unnaturally calm in situations when everyone is jumpy. Being somewhat indifferent most of the time. Remain unresponsive to little harm. These can be associated with other character types as well but those who have seen a lot of hardship usually act this way. u/Choco5119. Totally! But weirdly at the same time, situations that are normal for most people are really hard or anxiety-producing. Car accident, suicidal person, bad drug trip? Cool as a cucumber. Need to call the insurance company, talk to HR, or file taxes? Please no. u/sara-34

6. Strong sense of independence 

People who've faced tough times might show signs like being very cautious or guarded, struggling to trust easily, or having a strong sense of independence. They might also have a deep empathy for others' struggles. u/parstret. All of these. The empathy thing is huge to the point that people who have no understanding can never comprehend why you would always want something to be "fair" to everyone. u/dork_with_a_fork. Well, the people that do not understand suffer from the Just World fallacy. The world /my circumstances were nice to me so it must be like that for everyone. If it wasn't for you, it was your fault and you deserved it. u/SassiesSoiledPanties

7. Trust issues 

Trust issues. Scared to get close to people/push people away Not phased by situations that bother other people. Overexplain things. Come across as mean because they are trying to protect themselves from getting hurt again. u/Real_Ordinary_3622. Yep, my father could knock over a glass or burn his toast, and unless I apologized while cleaning it up (even if I was in another room at the time!), it would result in a massive anger explosion that sometimes got physical and was always verbal. For the first 25 years of my life, prior to recognizing my over-apologizing in therapy, I would apologize for everything under the sun including people saying something like, "Oh, I wanted to go out for a walk but it's raining." It was SUPER annoying of me, actually, in hindsight. u/YourGlacier

8. Not asking for help 

They don't whine and ask for help when things are hard, they just deal. They don't assume people like them or take basic goodwill for granted. Being obviously vulnerable feels dangerous, and they'll conceal it rather than complain. If you show them you're a real one, you move up in their personal hierarchy and they see you in a different light after that. u/PyrocumulusLightning. It’s very hard to make friends when we feel this way. It’s very lonely but it’s hard to just be open. u/AquaticPanda0

9. Having complicated answers to basic questions 

They moved around a lot as a child and didn’t have any simple answers to basic questions. u/inpainpregnant. I grew up as a military brat. We moved every 3-4 years. My first civilian school with no military brat classmates. The hardest question I was asked was, "Where are you from?". Where was I born, where did I get my accent from and where did I move from right before moving here? Those are three different answers. I need to know what you are asking. u/Thick-Worry5028

10. Hoarding food 

I hoard food: So much so, that today, (Thanksgiving) I've already had to make a store run because a few of the things in my cabinet that I thought I could use, expired a while ago. I can make a meal out of almost anything. I can't go into a store unless I buy something. I flinch at loud sounds/fast movements. I'm constantly adjusting exit strategies and trying to keep total situational awareness. I won't hang out where people go to specifically drink. If I see a bag of trash on the side of the highway, I have a mini panic attack while I pass it and until I can't see it anymore. u/RankedAverage

Editor's note: This article was originally published on November 24, 2023. It has since been updated.