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People who were adopted share their first meeting with their biological parents

While some people went in search of their parents, some never wanted to meet their biological parents.

People who were adopted share their first meeting with their biological parents
Image source: Reddit

To be a part of a family isn't just limited to sharing DNA but ultimately about being with people who give you a sense of belonging. There are so many heartwarming adoption stories that show us that families aren't just built by blood. There are many reasons why parents are forced to give up their biological children for adoption, ranging from health reasons to financial situation, and living conditions among other things. For those who have been put up for adoption, the question of why they were put up for adoption is one that continues to haunt them. While some have made peace with it, some continue to try to seek out their biological parents to find answers. In some cases, it is the parents who seek out their children to know if they're doing alright and to have an honest conversation about the circumstances that led to them being put up for adoption. 

Middle-aged black mother hugging her son - stock photo/Getty Images

 

People shared the stories of meeting their biological parents in a Reddit thread. Redditor u/Owanjila had asked, "Adopted Redditors, did you ever meet your biological parents? How did the first meeting go?" The responses shed light on various aspects of adoption and the reasons behind it. Here are some of the replies that we came across:

1. She made the right decision

I was adopted at about 5 months old, so I had no memory of my birth parents. My birth mother was addicted to drugs, and her boyfriend was an abusive asshole. Well, a few years after I was born, she managed to get away from him and started her road to recovery. Now, she's totally clean and owns a bakery. I know all of this because when I was 37 years old, she managed to track me down because in her words, she "just wanted to be sure that she made the right decision". And I think she did, because we're both doing pretty well now, and I don't think we would be if she had kept me. - u/GomedyCold.

2. I have two dads?

When I was six I realized I had an extra grandma. My mom explained that my dad had adopted me, and my biological father was someone else. I said, “I have two dads?” Mom pointed to Dad and said, “This is your dad. The other man is your biological father.”
“What does biological mean?”
“It means ... the man who helped make you. Everyone has one.”
So naturally, I just assumed everyone had a secret dad. I remember pitying my friends at school and wondering when they would find out about theirs. I insisted on meeting him, but when I did I was unpleasantly surprised. He scared me. He’s a little guy — short and heroin thin — but he has a voice for radio. It doesn’t match him. When he opened his mouth and this big booming voice came out, I thought it was a trick. I figured there must be a big guy hiding somewhere and doing the talking. That’s of course just my little-kid brain’s response to his physical appearance and voice. Our relationship isn’t good but I don’t mean to correlate the two, it’s just a coincidence. — u/britaww



 

 

3. My biological Mom tried her best

I was informally adopted by a former teacher when I was fifteen because some people are awesome. My biological father is a piece of shit. Last I heard he was homeless in St. Paul and with any luck, he is or will be very very dead soon. My biological mom tried her best with what she had, but was also a manipulative narcissist. — u/lexmattness

4. I realized just how similar we really are

I am currently 21, met my birth mom last year. My “real” parents never hid the fact that I was adopted, I've known for years. We met in NYC, it was her first time on the east coast, and since I’ve grown up on the east coast my entire life, I gave them a tour of the city and we both got tattoos together from a gumball machine! Fun time. I was so nervous to actually meet her, and was a little awkward at first, but only for like half an hour until I realized just how similar we really are. It’s crazy no matter what conditions you’ve grown up in, your genetics really do affect what kind of person you become. I think that’s something non-adopted people really don’t think about.

All in all, great experience, I haven’t seen her since she lives in SoCal, but we keep in touch through Instagram/texting often. I love my real parents, I love my birth parents, and I appreciate both of their honestly about why things happened as they did. If you’re nervous about meeting a birth parent, that’s normal. For me, it was totally worth it, and even helped me learn more about myself through watching her. I can’t wait to meet her again someday! — u/chopsthedrummer 



 

5. Meeting my biological parents has been life-changing

I was adopted shortly after birth. My adoptive parents are awesome and never hid anything from me. Life was good. I was always curious what sort of ethnic background I came from, so I took an Ancestry DNA test. The results were interesting; my adoptive parents are German and English, and my birth parents are also German and English. I made contact with a few long-lost cousins, but nobody remembered anyone giving up a baby. Months pass, and I get a message from one of the cousins, said he knows who my birth mother is. We made phone contact and finally were able to meet in person. She was able to tell me who my birth father was. I met them both (each individually), it has been life-changing. I now get together with each one and their respective families a couple of times a year. The fact that I now have 2 bonus (birth) families is mind-blowing. It may have taken 45 years, but it was all worth the wait! I never thought knowing who they are would affect me the way it did. I can’t explain it other than a feeling of being “whole”. Knowing these people just warms my heart. I am beyond lucky. — u/jenjuno123 



 

6. Not even a phone call 

Nope, after I was adopted by my stepmom my dad died and then my mom just disappeared from my life not even a phone call over these past 8 years and now I'm about to graduate high school and I don't feel sad because my step-mom/adopted mom treats me well and it's more than I honestly deserve. — u/agnelius

7. Be prepared for a tragic story

Both my mom and her sister were adopted (from a different set of biological parents). My mom's mother refused contact and didn't tell her (later) family about her. They only found out after she died. My mom had made up a bunch of exotic stories to cope (including her tribe in Afghanistan where she happened to live in her early years (back before the Soviet invasion). I found out after both my mom and her bio mom were dead, the former from a drug overdose, the latter from diabetes at an early age. My mom's sister was the product of rape.
Moral of the story: you're probably not descended from royalty. Be prepared for a tragic story, as best-case scenario is your parents had no means of providing for you and gave you up willingly and out of love. — u/nerbovig 

8. Moms are really okay if you are okay.

I'm adopted, as well. Met my birth mom at 39: there's a long "Jerry Springer-type" story that I won't go into here, but one thing I learned is that most moms are really okay learning that we ended up in better circumstances. As a mom, myself, all I've ever wanted for my kids is their happiness and success, however, they define it. If you get the chance, feel free to express that. It may hurt her a little, but it will also likely relieve the burden of guilt she carries. My adoption wasn't a good one — abusive adoptive mom — so I didn't have a good outcome to report, but my birth mom desperately wanted to know that my life turned out better than she could have provided. Just think about it. — GinaMariaSpaghetti



 

9. Like meeting any random adult

Not me but my best friend growing up, she was eager to meet her dad when she learned he still lived in our same town, she met him and said it was like meeting any random adult, nothing particularly special, she still likes she was able to connect and still occasionally meet with him. — marekelu.

10. No interest in her bio-family

Wife was adopted at birth. She has no interest in her bio-family. She says her adopted parents are her only parents. The bio-family has tried to reach out to us by sending letters every few years. My wife just rips them up and throws them away as soon as she realized it is from them. Usually within the first sentence. I have been tempted to piece it together and read them. But I respect her wishes not to. Plus she would never forgive me if I did. — u/harvest3155.

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