Parents share hilarious instances on Twitter that shout why they need a break urgently
'There was a hostage situation at my daughter’s 3 hour dance recital. It was me, I was held hostage,' tweeted a parent.
Parenting is a 24*7 lifetime job. However, no matter how much the parents love their children and say they are the "best thing that ever happened" to them, it is natural for a parent to want a break from this responsibility of bringing up and taking care of their offspring. Children are unpredictable and might surprise you with the thoughts and questions they come up with. Dealing with that surely sounds fun, but it can be soul-draining. These parents deserve a much-deserved long break, a martini, or a pie full of sweet cherries. But all we can offer now are some tweets by parents who have shared some hilarious instances that scream immediate breaks for them. Have a good laugh!
1. 'Not nice of me'
Mid-tantrum, 6yo paused to write MAMA and DADA, then crossed out both words. Shocked by his own cruelty, he crumpled the page muttering “not nice of me.”
— Emily Adrian (@adremily) May 23, 2023
2. Little Harvey
5yo; “Mommy, I think when I grow up, I might change my name to a grownup name because my name is a little kid’s name. Maybe I’ll use my middle name. My name is such a baby name! I want a grown up name when I’m a grown up.”
— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) May 3, 2023
Reader, his name is HARVEY.
3. No way
NO PEPPA PIG! THEYVE IGNORED IMPORTANT SAFETY REGULATIONS! pic.twitter.com/a1jTDiTmBi
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) July 6, 2023
4. Need this story to end
5-year-old: Guess what? Today in school someone’s EYE broke open.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 16, 2023
Me: What???
5-year-old: I’m done telling this story.
5. Love the trash
So glad I helped 3 kids make 75 valentines for everyone’s trash cans.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 14, 2023
6. No need for surprises... you were enough
6yo: Momma, close your eyes! I have a surprise!
— MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) May 24, 2023
Me: OK, but I don't want a naked butt in my face when I open them.
6yo: Nevermind.
7. Epic games with friends
Discovered my 6yo has been challenging my work colleagues to Words with Friends on my account and she solely plays with "fart" "poop" and "butt" words
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 17, 2023
...so it appears as though 𝙄 solely play with "fart" "poop" and "butt" words 😬
8. This person deserves a medal to survive this... or maybe a candy
Today the 8 year old told me she deliberately spelled a word wrong in the last round of the school spelling bee because “if you lose you get a piece of candy, but if you win you just get a boring medal”
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) June 14, 2023
9. Catching seagulls in school
Legit call from the school:
— who cares (@DianaG2772) March 8, 2023
Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report
10. 'Eat the babies'
The baby's favorite food is strawberries and she calls them, "the babies." We got looks in the store when she asked loudly to eat the babies
— Trey (@treydayway) July 10, 2023
11. "He just wanted a ride"
This little boy got in my car with the kids and I assumed it was one of their friends. I asked his name and introduced myself. He gets out of the car and my kids say “I don’t know that boy. I guess he just wanted a ride”. 💀💀💀
— Princess (@themultiplemom) June 14, 2023
12. Poop detective
My baby ate meat for the first time yesterday & overnight her poop transformed from what appeared to be repurposed spinach to a completely vile, fetid paste & I've never more thoroughly considered becoming a vegetarian until this moment.
— Ashley Winter MD || Urologist (@AshleyGWinter) July 6, 2023
13. Don't need that full custody
At the airport I told a woman her toddler son was cute and she looked at me with profound exhaustion and offered me full custody.
— Moira Donegan (@MoiraDonegan) May 8, 2023
14. Welcome to parenthood
In my 20s: I would never lie to my kids. They will be strong enough to see the world as it is.
— RandomSprint (@RandomSprint) June 24, 2023
In my 30s: That's called Paw Patrol. They only have it at the barber. You can watch it again the next time you get a haircut.
15. When does the weekend? Never.
16. Make better use of AI already
I don’t think AI should be used to make content…BUT…if there were a way for the paw patrol to tell my son by name that if he doesn’t go to bed they will arrest him…
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) July 4, 2023
17. Screen time but no me time
Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) February 23, 2023
18. Counting mommies
yesterday kiddo woke up from his nap crying, then fell asleep on me while we rocked on his chair. when he woke up again he said "count the mommies," first pointed to the corner in the dark, said "one!" and then at me and said "two!" so that's been on my mind a bit
— taryn (@peepsaregood) June 15, 2023
19. Now that's an apt perception
There was a hostage situation at my daughter’s 3 hour dance recital. It was me, I was held hostage.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 27, 2023
20. Fell in lava for sure
5yo: What’s Romeo and Juliet?
— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) June 19, 2023
Me: Well, it’s a story about two people who fell in love, and…
[2 parents, both English professors, one a Shakespearean, give a long and age-inappropriate synopsis]
5yo: Wow.
Me: Yeah. It’s sad.
5yo: Yeah. I can’t believe they FELL in LAVA!
21. Not surprise please
10: dad, close your eyes and open your mouth
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 9, 2023
me: well that's definitely a no.
22. Valid excuses
I like having fellow toddler moms as friends because I’ll text them like “sorry, we are going to be 25 minutes late to the park, we saw an ant.” And they’re like “no problem we’re gonna be 30 bc he had to put on his own shoes.”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 25, 2023
23. No time to fight
Yeah, only my other toddler parent friends understood on that one day I sent my son to daycare wearing a cowboy hat, sunglasses, lederhosen, and swim fins because I just didn't have time to fight that one.
— Heidi McDonald (@Death_Bow) June 26, 2023
24. The ultimate hits
I’m an exhausted parent. You might remember me from such hits as “No, absolutely not. Never in a million years.” and its sequel “Okay, fine.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 11, 2023
25. The classics
Here’s a few more singles I remember. “You did what?”And another fav “Don’t chew on that.” And how about “This is not a restaurant.”
— Brad MacDonald 🇨🇦 (@BradMacDonald2) July 11, 2023
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