Parents refuse to let 21-year-old daughter move out until she's 'married or 30', sparks debate

Choosing to support your parents financially is admirable, but it becomes problematic when parents force their children to cover their expenses. A young woman on Reddit—who goes by u/bobarequired on the platform—found herself in a troubling situation where her parents have forbidden her from moving out of their home until she either turns 30 or gets married. Now 21 years old, she turned to the community for advice on how to navigate her predicament. In her Reddit post, she explained that she is financially secure, working a part-time job.

The woman hoped to live with a roommate after graduating college the following year. However, her parents stood as obstacles in her plans. "My parents told me they won't allow me to move out until I'm either married or 30. They told me that I had my whole life to live on my own but only a limited amount of time to live with them. It makes me feel really sad when they say that. I understand what they're saying and I feel horrible leaving them, but I am feeling so controlled in this household," she wrote.

She acknowledged that her parents had provided for her needs, including food, health, housing, and other essentials. However, she still felt emotionally burdened. At one point, the college student confided in her parents about her struggles with depression and anxiety, only to be met with accusations of being "ungrateful and selfish." Additionally, her parents prevented her from purchasing a car with her own money. "They've been borrowing my money to pay for bills and mortgage. My dad is unemployed, and my mom teaches violin lessons from our house. They said that borrowing from me is their last resort and they seemed genuinely hurt by their action," she continued. 

She began to feel that her parents were gradually stripping away her independence. To make matters worse, her father showed no interest in taking on a part-time job to contribute to household expenses. "I don't know if this is going on a tangent or not, but it's upsetting. Am I being dramatic and ungrateful?" she questioned. In an update to her post, she revealed that her financial situation was no longer ideal for moving out with a roommate, but she was diligently saving to purchase a car.

Reddit users expressed concern for the woman, noting that her situation reflected signs of financial abuse by her parents. u/teachmethegame advised, "Go ahead and set up an apartment in a nice area near you, go, get it, then move. My girlfriend experienced this and she had my kid. They said they would take our daughter if we moved. Guess what we did? Picked them up in the middle of the night and never talked to them again." u/androidbear04 quipped, "If you are in a modern country and aren't financially dependent upon them, they can't really stop you."

u/blackcat218 commented, "First things first. If either of your parents has access to your bank account, go to a different bank and open an account there. Do not give them access and move all your money there. Secondly, you are an adult. If you want to move out or buy a car, you can. Thirdly, you are not responsible for your parent's financial matters. If they are in danger of losing their house because your dad doesn't work and therefore they need your money, that is just too bad. He can get off his butt and get a job." u/ray25lee added, "If you're in the US, it's not legal to force someone to live with you past the age of 17."