His parents said he wasn’t smart enough for college, then mocked him for joining the Army. 10 years later, they accused him of neglecting the family
'You’re not smart enough; it’s not worth it,' his parents said of his desire to take the SAT exams.
The young years of a man (u/kneedoorman) were shadowed by a chorus of doubts and criticisms. His parents laughed at him, saying he didn’t have the intellect to go to college. They mocked him for serving the country in the Army. A decade later, when he excelled in his career and life entirely on his own terms, he is now facing a different kind of criticism: accusations of parental neglect. His story highlights the complicated emotions that can surface when estranged family members try to reconnect after years of criticism and no contact. His October 24, 2026 Reddit post has since amassed 20,000 upvotes.
High expectations estranged asian parents want to come back into my life after 10 years of no contact
by u/kneedoorman in BoyDinnerDiaries
Growing up with conditional love
The man lamented that they have always received love that was biased from their parents. They were, most of the time, partial to them while their sister got all the praise. Contrary to him, his sister displayed academic excellence. As a member of Mensa, she met President Bill Clinton as part of a science fair and attended MIT with scholarships. In comparison, he was regarded as not good enough. “You’re not smart enough; it’s not worth it,” his parents told him when he expressed the desire to take the SAT exams. Instead, they asked him to take over the family grocery store after high school.
Rebellion began
He rebelled and joined the army. When he prided himself on finishing basic training, they belittled him by saying he didn’t get selected into a more prestigious branch. They mocked him, saying that his pay would be below the poverty line. Nevertheless, for the next seven years, he worked as a 92L petroleum lab technician. While he did the job, he used the GI Bill to take courses at community college and apply for med school. The GI Bill is a set of programs administered by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) that provides education, training, and housing financial benefits to qualifying military service members, veterans, and their family members.
Shadowed by comparisons
When he didn’t clear the MCAT exam and instead got a place in the pharmacy school, his parents expressed disappointment again. For them, working in pharmacy school wasn’t as good as being a doctor. Their mockery was compounded by the fact that he wasn’t dating within his ethnicity. Plus, the son of a friend who worked as an investment banker bought a Mercedes-Benz for his parents at just 25 years of age, while he was just starting college. This was the breaking point. Ever since then, he went no-contact with his parents.
When no contact was the only option
Fast forward ten years, and he is a pharmacist and a commissioned officer in the reserves, after having completed Reserve Officers' Training Corps (ROTC) in college. He owns a home, has no debt except a mortgage, and is expecting his first child from his wife. The other day, he received an email from his parents, and they expressed the desire to reunite with him. They said they miss spending time with him and that he might regret neglecting them. Reading that email stressed him out, and he approached Reddit to vent. “I want to express how upset I am that they want to come into my life when I’m at my highest point after years of telling me I was a joke. But I think responding will only put me in a bigger mess,” he said.
Millions are estranged
Like this man, roughly 67 million people in the United States are estranged from a family member, with fear of judgment and embarrassment being the primary reasons. Sociologist Karl Pillemer's research through the Cornell Family Estrangement and Reconciliation Project indicates that 27% of American adults are estranged from a family member and 10% estranged from a parent or a child. According to Pillemer, some of the reasons behind this estrangement include unrealistic expectations, harsh parenting, parental favoritism, and parental divorce.
'What if they belittle your kid too?'
Reddit expressed fury over the dysfunctional treatment of his parents and many encouraged him to maintain his boundaries and questioned his parents’ motives for reconnecting. u/NameLips commented, “They probably had kids as part of their retirement plan, expecting free elder care. They'll use excuses like wanting to be part of their grandkids' life or whatever, but I guarantee they haven't changed, and there will be strings attached for the privilege of their company.” u/bringndancinlobstas said, “Anyone whose selling point is that you’ll regret ‘neglecting’ them is enough of a red flag. They are trying to guilt you without taking any accountability for what they did. That shows that they still think they are the victim in this, and with that mindset there is nothing good for you that will come out of contact with them.”
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