Parent takes stand for kindness when daughter excludes 'strange' classmates from big birthday party

It is the responsibility of parents to make sure that their children grow up with the right values in life. This is what u/MangoFlat5137 tried to do when they forbade their daughter from excluding only three of her classmates from her birthday guest list. Their daughter did not take kindly to this and accused them of ruining her party. They remained fixed in their belief that she could not hurt people's sentiments in such a manner. This has now transformed into a full-blown conflict, with the daughter getting upset every time they cross paths with her. 

The parent started the post by sharing how their daughter's twelfth birthday is just around the corner. Since her parents wanted to fulfill all her wishes on the auspicious occasion, they "rented the local community center that has a pool and a giant activity room where we’ll have lots of treats and stuff." Since the area was so large, they could invite her whole class to the event. Therefore, when she asked for permission to send invites to all her classmates, they happily agreed.

"So she goes to the kitchen and about ten minutes later comes back with her classmate 'directory.' Her school puts together a small binder that lists the names of the students by each class, the names of the parent(s), and a phone number and/or email address. She hands it to me and I quickly notice that three names have been crossed out. I asked why, and she said those are the ones she doesn’t want to invite," the parent shared.

Concerned by this, they asked the young girl whether the excluded classmates had been mean to her or bullied her in any way. She denied all of this and stated that the reason she did not want them at the party was because "she just thought they were strange and didn’t really like them."

The parent immediately explained to her how this was wrong. This exclusionary behavior was hurtful and no one should go through that at such a young age. They told her that if "she was so staunchly against them attending, then it would be better to have a smaller party and invite just a handful of her closest friends." The daughter was apparently upset by it and she pleaded with them to give her a big party. However, the parent stood their ground; it was either going to be the entire class or a few of her close friends. The daughter did not want that and refused to get on board. The argument flared so much that whenever she saw the parent, she would begin to cry and leave the room.

The concerned parent shared that their wife finds herself sandwiched in this argument. She gets her partner's side but also understands that it is her daughter's birthday and things should be as per her wishes. However, the worried parent explained to her that they couldn't allow their daughter to be the "reason these three kids have a crappy time in school." The wife believes that there is no reason to have so much conflict over something people won't even remember a few years from now. u/MangoFlat5137 thinks the opposite. In their opinion, this is downright "cruelty" that sticks with people for life.

The comment section was on the parent's side. u/Successful_Bath1200 gave them a suggestion to solve this issue and commented, "NTA. Can I suggest you speak to your daughter's teacher and ask if there have been any issues or trouble where the three she won't invite are concerned? But you are right; if there are no issues, it should be all or none." u/Apprehensive_Skin150 appreciated the parent's resolve and wrote, "NTA. Kudos for teaching her right vs. wrong. Maybe turn it around and ask her how she would feel if she was one of three excluded from a classmate’s birthday party."

In an update, the parent shared that their daughter had eventually come around. "We talked again this morning and I asked her more specifically about her feelings towards the three and it’s nothing even potentially problematic but I thought it was important to make sure just in case. I asked her to put herself in their shoes—what if one of her classmates was having a party and invited everybody except her? How would she feel? This is the approach I admit I should have tried in the first place, and it worked. She gets it. I reiterated that she could still have a small party with just her close friends, but she said she wanted to still have a big party and everybody is invited."