Parent suggests friend to not host playdates until foster daughter is ‘ready,’ sparking debate

Parenting foster kids is no cakewalk. They might have to deal with social anxiety, behavioral issues, or academic problems. Unless the foster parents truly understand the children's mental stature, they might be unable to help them lead a normal life. One parent who goes by u/badhostpost on Reddit shared an experience they had with their friend who fostered a 9-year-old girl. Since the child was "overwhelmed" with large groups of people, the foster parents homeschooled her. So, the foster mom invited her close friends and their kids so that they could play with her foster kid. 

The playdate turned out to be too dull as the foster child refused to mingle with the other kids. While the foster mom thought it would work if she bought new toys to share among the children, the 9-year-old decided to take some toys to her room and play on her own. Also, some of the older kids in the playdate got bored and the parents had to send them out to play in the trampoline. "Her daughter only colored with the girls when her mom was with her, then after 20 minutes she wanted to play by herself and locked herself in her room," the parent explained.

The dinner time became too awkward as the foster kid refused to sit with other kids. She also barely touched any of the food prepared which led the mom to make a separate meal for her. The girl spent most of the time snuggled on her mom's lap and when the playdate came to an end, the mom thanked the guests for bringing their kids. "I told her that watching her kid get special treatment and take things away from them wasn’t good for the rest of the kids so she needs to wait until her daughter can be around people before she hosts again," the parent mentioned. "She thinks I was extremely rude and didn’t need to say anything but someone needs to tell her that she can’t have other kids over if that’s how her kid behaves," they added. 

The mom's remark at the end of the playdate came off as "insensitive" among many users. "You knew fully well that this was a learning opportunity for the daughter. And you know that the daughter isn't going to learn how to be around others - she has to learn by doing," said u/Zealousideal_Till1683. "She invited you over to get her daughter used to being around other kids! Of course, there are going to be road bumps and challenges. You should keep your nose out of her parenting," pointed out u/JPenelope.

However, a few others disapproved of the foster mom's approach too. "The visit lasted much too long for a kid who gets overwhelmed by other people. It seems the mom doesn’t know what to do but immersion therapy for a young kid who is uncomfortable around others might be worth a visit to a therapist and/or her doctor," noted u/21-characters. "It sounds like you were completely unprepared for what 'getting used to other kids' was going to look like for her foster daughter, and it's okay if you aren't cool having your kids be the guinea pigs for that. She should have given you a better idea of what to expect so you could politely decline," chimed in u/majestic_ray.