Psychologist tested simple emotional intelligence trick he saw NYC driver use on grumpy passengers

On a hot summer day, Daniel Goleman, a psychologist, author, and journalist, boarded a bus heading up Madison Avenue in New York City. The weather was awful, and people were clearly not in a good mood to socialize or even start a conversation. The bus driver, Govan Brown, however, was far from grumpy; in fact, he was a middle-aged man who, with his charming nature, entertained his passengers with his lively monologue. He kept the people updated on the places they were passing, the history, and great sales, reviewed movie theaters, and basically carried on a conversation with each one of the passengers on the bus. To Goleman, it was the greatest show of emotional intelligence, and he saw firsthand how it impacted each passenger individually.

The psychologist explained how the passengers who'd boarded the bus, unhappy, were now stepping off smiling. Goleman was deeply moved by the experience, but it wasn't until years later, when he read a New York Times piece on the same driver, that he realized the profound impact his emotional intelligence had on people. The driver, Govan Brown, was a local legend who had retired in 1988 with a reputation for being the coolest bus driver in the town. Surprisingly, throughout his career as a bus driver, Brown hadn't gotten a single complaint; in fact, people loved him so much that his retirement party was attended by hundreds of loyal passengers who came together to celebrate him and his selfless years of service. Brown's journey, however, was far deeper, profound, and far more meaningful than it looked on the surface. He was a pastor at a church who saw people on his bus as part of his "flock" and felt responsible for them. "He had a purpose that was far greater than that of the New York Transit Authority... He had a splendid sense of what he was doing. It gave a greater meaning to what he did, and he did it superbly," Goleman told Big Think.

The psychologist spoke of the bus driver to emphasize emotional intelligence and its benefits to society. He said the more emotionally aware we are, the more likely we are to raise kinder kids. "I think we would care more about the environment, which is why I have been happy to be a kind of evangelist for emotional intelligence... I just think it would make a better world," he added. If you see, Brown didn't do anything extravagant; he didn't go out of his way to make his passengers feel special, but it was just his simple interaction with them that made all the difference.

To see whether quality conversation can truly boost daily well-being, Professor Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas asked over 900 participants to engage in one of the seven forms of communication — catching up, meaningful talk, joking around, showing care, listening, valuing others and their opinions, and offering sincere compliments. At the end, they found that participants who chose to indulge in the very act of intentionally reaching out to a friend for at least one form of conversation reported feeling less lonely, happier, and more connected to the world. "This means the more that you listened to your friends, the more that you showed care, the more that you took time to value others’ opinions, the better you felt at the end of the day," Hall explained. The experiment also suggests that anyone who makes time for high-quality conversation can significantly improve their well-being. "We can change how we feel on any given day through communication. Just once is all it takes," he added. This explains why passengers on the M101 route could feel their moods change almost instantly after a brief conversation with Mr. Brown, the bus driver. 

More on Scoop Upworthy

How a chance encounter with a woman on a plane changed this man's views on relationships

People share 10 instances of kindness from strangers that gave them hope in trying times

Woman recounts affirming interaction with a man who heard her say she was lost: 'I felt so safe'