New mom questions if she was wrong to cut ties with surrogate who made her and husband uncomfortable

Postpartum is a challenging phase for any mother, but it's especially complex for surrogate mothers who must hand over the baby to its future parents. This process requires immense emotional maturity and mental strength to navigate the unique relationship with the child and their parents. Reddit user u/suffcien shared a peculiar situation involving her surrogate and sought advice from the community. The 25-year-old explained that she was in a car accident at 15, which resulted in life-altering injuries, leaving her unable to bear children.

When she met her husband "Jack," he knew about her situation and they both agreed to have a baby via surrogacy. "We talked about it for a while and decided that we would go through an agency as we didn't feel right asking someone we know personally. We were quickly matched with a woman who I will call Jess. We got the paperwork done and soon after, Jess got pregnant with my and Jack's baby boy," the post read. "She was always super sweet towards me and Jack and we saw no red flags or warning signs. However, this quickly changed after our son Owen was born. Once she heard the name, she sort of made a face but we brushed it off," the woman wrote.

Shortly after bringing baby Owen home, Jess began showing up unannounced and criticizing how the baby was being cared for. Her unwelcome visits continued for about two weeks until she crossed a line. "I finally snapped when she picked Owen up and said 'Come to Mama'. I yelled that she wasn't his mom and that she was no longer welcome in my home. She then sent me a bunch of angry texts claiming I was so ungrateful. I stand by my decision but I feel guilty about the way I reacted," the new mom concluded. The Reddit community came to the young woman's support and offered their best advice and possible solutions on what she could do without feeling guilty.

u/yakkerswasneverhere commented, "This woman has an attachment to the baby she carried. Her delusions will most likely get worse without intervention. This is going to need police and a court order." u/taffypull2019 remarked, "Surrogacy is not for the weak of heart or mind. I see how risky it can be. Why did she come over after the birth though? Isn’t that the awkward thing? Not blaming just saying. Wasn’t she done with her part at the hospital? I think you were in protective mode and she was overstepping huge boundaries. She’s not mama!" u/vanessa8172 added, "Yeah, it’s normal for her to have some attachment to the child cause she shared a body with him for nine months. But this is not acceptable."

u/Smiley-Canadian suggested, "Call the agency. Call the police. Get a lawyer. Strongly consider staying somewhere else. The postpartum period can wreak havoc on a woman’s hormones and mental health. She could be experiencing postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety or even postpartum psychosis. Any of these can make her act impulsively and make decisions she normally wouldn’t, including unsafe ones. However, she is not your responsibility. Your family is your responsibility. Please do whatever you need to do to get distance from her." u/Tall-Negotiation6623 questioned, "But why did she come over every day? Wouldn’t it have been best to keep some distance or was there a reason for her to be there? She has formed an attachment to your child and that isn’t healthy. You need to contact the agency and I hope you have the legal stuff in place."