Comparing and contrasting her perception of the lives of working and stay-at-home moms, she clearly implies that working moms are negligent in their duties as a mother.
Being a mom, no matter how you look at it, is never easy. Aside from the obvious childraising aspect of it — which is all-consuming by itself — mothers across the world constantly face all kinds of unwarranted and unsolicited comments about everything they do throughout their motherhood journey. Working moms, in particular, are often made to feel guilty for wanting to maintain a career even after having kids instead of becoming some version of the quintessential stay-at-home moms of the 60s. This was clearly highlighted a couple of years ago when Lori Alexander — a conservative Christian mommy blogger — laid out the supposed disparities between working moms and stay-at-home moms in a bizarre flowchart.
Alexander, a.k.a. The Transformed Wife, a full-time homemaker who has been married for over 40 years and has four grown children and nine grandchildren, posted the controversial chart titled "Should Mothers Have Careers?" on her social media profiles back in 2018. Comparing and contrasting her perception of the lives of working and stay-at-home moms, she clearly seemed to imply that working moms are negligent in their duties as a mother. In contrast, stay-at-home moms are painted as the very picture of motherhood and matrimonial perfection.
Should mothers have careers? pic.twitter.com/SKfson8kgR— The Transformed Wife 🦋 (@godlywomanhood) December 5, 2018
According to Alexander, working moms are away all of the time and constantly exhausted while their stay-at-home (SAHM) counterparts spend all their time with their kids and are rarely — if ever — tired because they simply rest during nap time. SAHMs supposedly also always make "nutritious and delicious" dinners from scratch and have fun weekends with their family, unlike working mothers who allegedly have to sacrifice these memory-making opportunities to clean the house and do other chores they didn't get time for during the workweek. As you can imagine, Alexander's imaginary world of irresponsible career moms and angelic stay-at-home mothers didn't go down well with netizens.
Moms, both working and stay-at-home alike, pointed out how glaringly unrealistic both sides of Alexander's flowchart are. "Lady, I am a SAHM and this post is embarrassing and you should take it down. Some days my life is more like the 'career woman' you described," commented Facebook user Amy Lambrecht. "Other days it's not. However, you have shamed all working mothers, even those who might not have a choice but to work outside the home. It shouldn't be about working outside the home vs. not. WE ARE ALL MOTHERS AND WE SHOULD STOP SHAMING EACH OTHER. THE END."
Ridiculous. I worked full time. Went to school. Raised 5 kids single (divorced), I traveled with my kids yearly, they ate well, were involved in our church (one son is a pastor now), were in band, football, & cheerleading. They are all brilliant adults who love their mama. pic.twitter.com/MvHilMXEnt— C. Denise J. 💛👟🕶🇺🇸💛 (@KeepinUpWithCDJ) December 6, 2018
Fixed it for you! You're welcome. pic.twitter.com/i7DIGtR1Ed— Dr. Melissa Marie (@MissaMHx) December 7, 2018
You know who cooks a nutritious homemade meal for our family of 4 every night after we all get home every night from work and school? My husband. Because it’s 2018.— Erin Mc Asterisk (@ErinNYC75) December 6, 2018
Looks like you watched the Handmaids Tales and thought it was a documentary. Tell you what, you stay at home Serena Joy. I find fulfillment in being able to pay my own way if necessary.— WandaSpeaks67 (@WandaSpeaks67) December 7, 2018
December 7, 2018
"How does this perfect mother who stays home find time to nap AND play games while cooking dinner?! She then slips into some lingerie to make passionate mid-week love to her husband whilst planning dreamy weekend trips to the beach parks!?!" asked another user named Sara Hull. "I'll just keep living in the real world. It's nice here. We do fun stuff on days off because my husband isn't a total pile of garbage waiting for me to take care of every household task. It's called a partnership. We share the load."
As a stay at home mother, I can say with authority, I do not know of this "rest" you speak of, dinner is whatever comes out of a box or can, & there is no sex. It's what got me here in the first place. I do say "Jesus" but it's not in the way you're thinking. 🤔— lovemylilly (@imalillygirl33) December 7, 2018
“Rests while her children nap”— terry time (@myspacemama) December 7, 2018
December 6, 2018
However, despite being bombarded with well-justified criticism for her flawed perceptions about motherhood, Alexander staunchly defended her stance with an equally lame justification. "My motivation was just to show the difference between a stay-at-home mom and a working mom," she told The Daily Advertiser. "People say it's completely false, but it's not. One is gone all day, the other is not; working moms have child care, while stay-at-home moms are the caretakers. Everything else, these things aren't necessarily what happens, but are the things I feel you should shoot for as a stay-at-home mom."
"People have told me to jump off a cliff," she continued, "but I don't want to destroy anyone's life. Mommy shaming is such a big thing today, and I am not shaming working mothers. People try to shame me that I don't have a career, but I feel like I am doing what I have been called to do. Shame is something people decide to take upon themselves. If they feel working outside the home is not wrong, they shouldn't feel shamed. I'm not trying to control or force my opinions on anyone. I have no authority over anybody."