The mother shares how and why she took the hard decision of turning away her daughter when she came for a cuddle.
Everyone loves adulting until they have to do it themselves. Children are constantly reminded to rejoice in the moment before dealing with the perils of being grown-ups. But sometimes those same children are reprimanded when they act "childish." People expect them to act maturely and not behave in any shape or form that is "kiddish." "Parental affection" is compromised for making children "grow up." It is what u/Abject_Ad_4249 expected from her kid, at least momentarily, when the girl approached her to get cuddled. She reprimanded her and after that, the daughter grew distant, which perplexed the mother. She came to Reddit to ask whether her actions were too savage for her 11-year-old girl.
The mother describes in her post how she and her husband both in their 30s, have an 11-year-old daughter, who is a little small in build when it comes to her age. Therefore, often the daughter gets treated as a "younger child." It worries her as she does not want anything to hinder her social growth. Since she always had this thought at the back of her head, one day, she firmly refused to cuddle with her daughter, which brought on an unwanted strain in the relationship.
The mother further describes how her daughter loves to be playful with her parents, "She loves to hop in my or my husband's lap and cuddle with us on the couch or in a chair." The mother had not seen any child her age do this with her parents and thought, "Maybe I'm hurting her by letting her continue." It caused her to take a call to reprimand her daughter the next time she tried something like that to help her understand the etiquette she needs to follow at her age.
Therefore, when her daughter decided to get on her lap and cuddle, she immediately put a stop to it. Rather than going with a gentle tone, she adopted a direct approach and told her, "She was too old for that and to get off me." It caused a lot of unintended hurt to the daughter as she got up, went into her room, and slammed her door. It not only felt as if her mother had rejected her affections but also pointed out a misbehavior within her.
The mother, on the other side, feels guilty. All she wanted was for her daughter to be like all the other kids her age and not stand out for something that could get her into humiliating situations. Though she somewhat achieved her objective, as her daughter has not jumped on her lap anymore, the hurt on her face is unbearable. Things have become tense. The daughter neither communicates with her nor responds to her hugs. All of this has made her reevaluate everything and she is asking people on the internet whether she was right in scolding her daughter.
The comment section mainly suggested the mother should not speed up the process and let her child breathe with the function of "growing up." u/imothro asks the mother not to throw the precious moments away due to unwarranted stress, "YTA. She's not going to want to cuddle you much longer. You maybe have a year left. And you're throwing that time away instead of cherishing it." u/leslieandco expresses that there is no age limit or milestone for everything when it comes to growing up, "I didn't realize there is an age limit for parental affection. When I'm too big for my mom's lap, I'll start holding her. My 16 yo still curls up for snuggles."