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Mother shares how yelling instead of communicating the message calmly to kids hampers their growth

Mother shares how yelling at children never produces the desired result and instead, makes them grow distant from their parents.

Mother shares how yelling instead of communicating the message calmly to kids hampers their growth
Cover Image Source: Instagram | @michellejones.g

Raising children is no joke. Parents have to be careful about everything during their upbringing, as any wrong step can have a negative impact on the kids. The current debate is between gentle and authoritative parenting. While some may feel that gentle parenting leads to a more wholesome development, others believe that authoritarian parenting brings the much-needed discipline needed for the future. Michelle Jones–who goes on Instagram by @michellejones.g–shared a video in which she seemingly supports the former by making a strong case against yelling. In authoritative parenting, scolding is permissible, but Michelle feels that screaming at children does not produce the effect that parents intend. Moreover, it further damages the children and their development.

Image Source: Instagram/@michellejones.g
Image Source: Instagram | @michellejones.g

Jones is a self-care and body positivity advocate. She is also a mother and shares content on the tactics and techniques she adopts for her son to give him a better life. She created this video for parents who yell at their children when they don't listen to them. The mother starts by sharing what exact purpose yelling seems to fulfill. She quotes clinical psychologist Laura Markham in her caption, "Yelling is about releasing anger; it's not an effective way to change behavior." This description makes it evident that yelling causes no benefit to the children and instead is just a way in which parents release their frustration.

Jones then goes into detail about what happens when parents yell at their children. She explains that if the objective is to make children listen to a particular thing or make them understand something, yelling is not the way to go. Yelling shocks children and makes them adopt a "fight or flight" approach. It effectively closes off the learning centers of their brain. Hence, "they are no longer processing or listening to what you're trying to tell them." On the other hand, if parents calmly communicate their point, children are more likely to be receptive to the content.

Jones' next point is how yelling makes the children feel. Self-esteem issues in childhood can cause individuals anxiety, NPCMC reports. Also, yelling can take a demeaning route and make children feel devalued. Children should never be put in such a state where they feel they are less than others because they did not listen to a particular thing. They deserve to be treated with respect and feel "valued."

The mother then goes on to point out the manifestations yelling can end up having on the mental health of children. In her opinion, it leads to "anxiety, depression and lower self-esteem in the long run." She believes that parents' actions should always soothe children rather than make them agitated. Agitation will make it hard for them to manage emotions, a pattern that may continue into adulthood.

She then emphasizes the damage yelling causes to the relationship parents have with children. Being treated in such a disrespectful manner makes children feel disassociated with their parents. They feel like their parents are dominating them, not trying to listen to their points. The children walk away from the whole thing feeling 'defiant' and 'defensive,' not loved and understood. It can, down the line, make them feel distant.

Lastly, Jones clarifies that yelling has no positive effect instead, it is abusive. Using this tool indicates a severe lack of empathy in the dynamic. Children must get grace, as they are just starting and do not know enough not to make mistakes. She explains, "We're all human and we must remember our children are just beginning to learn the ways."

The comment section was filled with parents who garnered a new perspective due to the message in the video. @katieb_fit23 shared her own experience with the method and wrote, "Yep! I did this a lot. Mostly out of frustration and nothing with my kids. But now I take my 'yelly jellie' and I'm much more relaxed and have so much more patience."

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