Student's powerful college essay about Mom's final act of 'luxury' is one every man needs to read

Trigger warning: This article contains themes of suicide that some readers may find distressing

Losing a parent can affect a child in many ways, with common emotions being anger, disbelief, distance, and isolation, as reported by Psychology Today. These have a significant impact on the child's emotional development, leaving behind an unfading scar. When a mother suddenly committed suicide, it inspired her son to center his college essay around the grief he felt and the many realizations flooding his mind. That impactful write-up secured him not only one but two admission letters from Ivy League institutions: Princeton and Brown. Several years later, while rummaging through his old laptop to transfer files, u/Advanced-Trainer508 stumbled upon his age-old essay and decided to share it on Reddit.

The essay is a testament to the transformative power of vulnerability and storytelling, which defined his whole future. The three-page document speaks volumes about "maternal mental illness," which spirals from the endless sacrifices mothers make throughout their parenting journey. The author begins the essay with a stark admission, “My mother's suicide was the first thing she ever did for herself." The post went on to describe how his mother dropped his sister at her college, hugged her, and smiled for the pictures, knowing that she would no longer be there for her when the semester ended.

The turning point in the essay came when the author mentioned that his mother bought a first-class ticket back home after dropping his sister at college. He said it did not make sense because of her frugal lifestyle. “She reused shopping bags until they tore. She never bought anything full price. She would stand in the supermarket choosing between soaps that are only 13 cents apart. She lived in a state of constant sacrifice, the kind of person who gave everyone everything, and then gave some more. That plane ticket didn't match the math of her life,” the essay revealed.

He continued by admitting that he wondered if that “plane ticket felt like rest or a funeral in disguise” to her mother, who died a week after boarding the plane. The essay explored how the plane ticket was a sign that she wanted a moment lived for herself, a moment of excitement, a pause in her daily life of sacrifice. “I thought she was being kind to herself. I didn't realize that kindness, in her world, always meant giving something away. That this gentle and unremarkable act was a departing gift to herself. Not loud. Not dramatic. Just a moment of excitement before she left,” the essay realised.

The post further acknowledged that the world has not been fair to mothers who put themselves last and make innumerable sacrifices. According to the Policy Centre for "Maternal Mental Health" in 2024, maternal mortality was a priority issue in the USA, recognised by the Task Force on "Maternal Mental Health". A study on midlife suicide published by the MGH Centre for Women’s Mental Health states that from 1999 to 2005, deaths due to suicide in women aged between 40-64 increased by 3% annually. While data on why middle-aged women are most at risk of suicide is obscure, another study conducted in 2009 on European women found that females in the perimenopausal period are inclined to attempt suicide 7 times more as compared to women in the pre- or post menopause period, or men in any age group. The author ends his college essay declaring that this last act of luxury was perhaps his mother’s way of claiming that she matters, even if only to herself. Her absence is a "constant presence," he says, promising to try and change the world that forces women to be silent and invisible.

The viral essay caught a storm of attention and features hundreds of comments showing support and love to mothers. @sandy_85 commented, “Her absence is a constant presence". I don't know why, but I don't think I'll ever forget this line. A mother, @meerkatarray2, commented, “This is so beautifully profound. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. As a mother, this struck me. I will probably remember this essay I read on Reddit for the rest of my life.”