Mother asks if she's wrong for telling her biological son to stop calling her 'mom'

Many young mothers choose to give up their babies for adoption. Either they are unable to raise them at that point in their lives or they face a lot of external hardships that push them to make this difficult decision for their child. u/Regular_Chocolate_46 was one such young mothers who gave up her baby for adoption when she was a teen. Now, the woman turned to Reddit to seek advice on whether she was wrong for wanting her biological son to stop calling her mom.

"When I was a teenager I had a baby and gave him up for adoption. I did this through an agency and one of the stipulations of the contract required the adoptive parents to provide my contact information to him after he was an adult so that if he ever wanted to contact me, he could," the now-40-year-old woman shared. "18 years later, I get a letter in the mail and he wants to meet me. I said yes and his mom flew with him to meet me in my state. We had a great visit and it was amazing getting to know the great young man he grew up to be. We have kept in contact over the last couple of years. I let him meet my kids and let him form a brotherly bond with them."

It was all well and good until the son she gave away started calling his biological mother "mom" too. It not only made the woman feel uncomfortable but she also believed that the young man's action was disrespectful toward his adoptive mother. The biological mother tried to explain her point to the son and ever since then, he has stopped contacting her. The woman suspects that he is extremely upset and as a result, she has been feeling guilty.

"It is worth mentioning that we met after he turned 18. He is going to be 23 next month. I gave him up at birth. He has never known me to be his mother and his adoptive mom is his only mom. Giving him up was the single hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. So to the people who say I rejected him, you have no idea what you’re talking about. I went through an agency and specifically chose his parents from stacks and stacks of files," the woman added.

She clarified that she didn't outright tell him to stop calling her "mom" and that they had a deep conversation about it. The young man doesn't have any feelings of resentment towards his biological mom either. "I don’t think he wanted to call me mom because he felt some mother-son connection between us. He said that he felt like I deserved a title that is more than just 'lady I got DNA from,' especially around his brothers. I told him it was fine just to call me by my first name," the post concluded. The Reddit community came ahead to share their thoughts on this matter.

u/Expensive_Prize_8126 commented, "He wants a relationship with you and sees you as his mom. That’s not disrespectful to his adoptive mom. You are the reason he’s alive and he appreciates that. Talk with him about how each of you feels about what names are appropriate but give him a lot of latitude." u/servncuntt quipped, "It sucks and while he feels like that, you might have given birth to him but you are not a mom to him. He should respect that. His feelings are not the only thing that should matter."

u/Snickerdoodle2021 mentioned, "We talk about adoption a lot but usually from the point of view of the adoptee. The parents who give their children up for adoption also go through emotional trauma as well. It sounds like you are trying to develop a relationship with your son that is healthy. For you, this might mean he needs to find another way to refer to you. You are not in the wrong to want this." u/Global_Look2821 added, "I’m feeling really sorry for the both of you. I think your son was feeling such a warm connection to you and 'mom' came out of that because he felt so welcomed and close to all of you. I also can see how it made you uncomfortable at the moment and your fear it might hurt his adoptive mom."