Morbid husband ruins pregnancy for wife convinced she'll die in childbirth like his mother

A woman goes through a myriad of emotions when pregnant. From the hormonal cocktail raging through her to the drastic changes her body goes through, bearing a child is no walk in the park and the least those around her can do is not give her more reasons to freak out. One expectant mother, however, recently revealed how she's having to deal with her morbid husband and father-in-law who are absolutely convinced she'll die in childbirth. Overwhelmed by the duo's constant attempts to prepare for her death, Reddit user morbidmommy11 turning to the r/AmItheAsshole community for advice.

My husband and I are expecting our first child, which I knew would be a really sensitive issue as his own mother died in childbirth with him. We met with a marriage counselor to talk things through at the beginning, and he swears he’s been seeing his own therapist twice a month throughout my pregnancy. I don’t want to call him a liar, but I’m fairly sure he’s either not going or not talking about the big issue—he and his father (a hugely active part of our lives) are COMPLETELY convinced that I’m going to die in childbirth, she wrote.

The Redditor confessed that her husband and father-in-law's behavior was causing her a lot of stress, especially since they'd constantly been trying to prepare her for her supposedly inevitable death. When it was my husband saying 'please make sure your life insurance is up to date' and 'I'd like you to meet with a lawyer and draft a will,' I was like 'that's kind of intense but ok if that makes you feel better.' When my husband asked me to go through all of my possessions and 'inventory' what I wanted to be saved for the baby vs. what I would want to be returned to my family in the event of my death, I put my foot down and said absolutely not. Too morbid. No way, she revealed.

To make matters worse, her father-in-law accused her of making things difficult for her husband as he already faced with a grim future as a potential grieving widower with a newborn. I’m just gonna add here that I’ve had a completely complication-free pregnancy and have NO REASON to think I will die screaming in the coming weeks, she clarified. When I tell my husband this, he calls me paranoid, but I feel like my FIL WANTS me to die; his whole life identity for the past 35 years has been 'amazing single dad' (never dated or had close friends or even hobbies really), and it seems like he's looking forward to being able to guide my husband through what he went through, the expectant mother continued.

At this point, I’d honestly be happy to never see my FIL again, and I certainly don’t want him in the delivery room, especially since he told me he was 'putting [his] foot down' about me not being 'allowed' to have an epidural or laughing gas. He has a commanding presence and I know that whatever he wants in the delivery room, he will get (I know people will say 'oh L&D nurses would never let that happen! but you haven’t met this man), morbidmommy11 stated.

The Redditor further revealed how her husband's demeanor has completely changed since she became pregnant. My husband, in addition to backing his dad on everything, acts like my due date is my death date, and has completely pulled away from me. Every minute with him is morbid, stressful, and a reminder that our marriage seems to be crumbling. No matter how many times I tell him his behavior makes me stressed and upset, it’s just getting worse, and I do NOT want it around me while I’m concentrating on giving birth, she wrote.

Turning to other Redditors for help, the woman asked whether she owed it to her husband to let him stress and freak her out while she's in labor. Is his presence at the birth more important than a safe and healthy delivery? My therapist says “no”, but this whole thing has been so weird I feel like I need some outside perspective, she concluded.

Understandably alarmed by the woman's situation, Redditors suggested that she give power of attorney to her mother or someone else who could make rational decisions for her while she's in childbirth. Please give power of attorney to your mother! Even if your husband fully means well, he's clearly not in a mental state where he can make rational decisions in your best interest on the fly. And, frankly, it sounds like he'd prioritize the life/well being of the baby over yours in a heartbeat in the worst-case scenario, advised u/MaryMaryConsigliere.