Mom's unconventional opinion on whether kids need their grandparents sparks heated debate

Children are usually considered blessed if they get the opportunity to grow up with their grandparents around. However, every family situation is unique. As a result, some kids might not get the chance to foster good relationships with the elderly folks in their families. Janelle Marie (@millennialmatleave on TikTok) stirred up a heated debate through one of her videos after she got candid about her strained relationship with her mother-in-law.

A short video that captured her son quietly playing alone grabbed millions of eyeballs and made people leave polarizing comments. “Imagine choosing not to spend time with your grandkids because you are unable to be polite to their mom. Couldn’t be me," the text overlay on the video read. Some commenters voiced their opinions in Marie's favor. @embracingemmaa wrote, "And then gaslight about the disrespect. Act like they are victims because they would rather never see their grandkids than take accountability." 

@scola_wears_converse commented, "Seven years no contact with the in-laws. They missed out on an amazing grandson and incredible son due to their hatred of me. Their loss, not ours!" @purplehairdontcare86 added, "My daughter's grandparents only want to see my daughter if they get her overnight away from me but won't ever stop by to see her. Then guilt trips me when I say no." Many people sided with Marie and they could understand how her difficult relationship with her kid's grandparents is affecting their relationship too. In a now-deleted comment on Marie's video, a person wrote, "The only ones you are hurting are the kids and you."

Marie decided to make a second video to respond to this comment. “I don’t think the kids are hurting if they aren’t exposed to a grandparent or family member that makes their parents feel like crap,” she said in the follow-up video. “Kids only know what they’re exposed to! If all they’re exposed to is happy, adjusted parents who are not bickering in their marriage because they’re not seeing a mother-in-law who makes their mom feel bad or they’re seeing other grandparents who prioritize the time that they spend with them rather than telling a story from 30 years ago that no one cares about — they don’t care that they’re not seeing you, despite what you think.”

Marie maintained her point and continued that the role of grandparents can be incredibly beneficial in the life of a child, given they are not problematic. "You might think that kids are going to resent their parents when they grow up for never seeing their grandparents and maybe that’s true," Marie concluded. "But honestly? Kids at a pretty young age start to understand what it feels like to have their feelings hurt and once they learn that that’s how their grandparent was making their parent feel, I don’t think they’re going to care but there’s a whole bunch of us rolling those dice, I guess.”

People in the comments of her follow-up video further shared their complicated relationships with their in-laws and parents. @crystalshadow33 mentioned, "My in-laws moved to a different state and now don’t contact my children at all. No calls, texts, nothing! It’s been 10 years!!!! But when they lived here they called their other grandchildren that live in Texas." @lucy_scr35 added, "The last time my parents saw my kids was five years ago, no contact and just expect me to chase around. The same goes for the kid's dad's parents."

You can follow Janelle Marie (@millennialmatleave) on TikTok for more videos on life and parenting.