Mom steps up for daughter after high school teacher refused to call her by her proper name
'I am not the type of mom to write emails, but I felt I had to in this case,' she wrote.
A mom (u/sudden-difference767) stepped up for her teen daughter after her Spanish teacher refused to call her by her proper name. Her Reddit post, shared in September 2023, received mixed responses on the platform, with some supporting her while others saying she totally overreacted to the situation.
Her daughter, Alexandra, hated people calling her by any other name than hers. "This has gone on since she was about 10. The family respects it, and she’s pretty good about advocating for herself should someone call her Lexi, Alex, etc. She also hates when people get her name wrong and just wants to be called Alexandra," her mom explained. The girl had taken Spanish in middle school, and when her teacher tried calling her by the Spanish version of her name, she refused, and luckily, the teacher respected it. "She had the same teacher all 3 years of middle school, so it wasn’t an issue," the mom recalled. However, in high school, the teen again took Spanish, and her new teacher insisted she would call everyone by the Spanish version of their names. "My daughter came home upset after the second week. I am not the type of mom to write emails, but I felt I had to in this case. If it matters, this teacher is not Hispanic herself, so this isn’t a pronunciation issue. Her argument was that if these kids ever went to a Spanish-speaking country, they’d be called by that name," the mom wrote. The teen's mom found the teacher's excuse a bit lame and stood her ground.
AITA for not backing down on my daughter’s teachers calling her the proper name?
by u/Sudden-Difference767 in AmItheAsshole
Eventually, she gave in, and Alexandra confirmed that her teacher was calling her by her proper name. While many may not have a problem with people mispronouncing their names, researchers R. Kohli and D. Solórzano, in their study, found that teachers failing to pronounce a name correctly impacted the social-emotional well-being of the students. "Students often felt shame, embarrassment, and that their name was a burden. They often began to shy away from their language, culture, and families," Kohli said. While this speaks to the "shame" Alexandria felt, there might be something more at play here. In a paper titled "Why Can't I Say People's Names?" researchers explore the "widespread psychological phenomenon" of Alexinomia — a disorder wherein people feel terribly afraid to address others by personal names or pet names. This is born of and fosters social anxiety, attachment issues, and much more. Although Alexandra may not have this disorder, she seems to sport the reverse — a deep sense of aversion towards nicknames, i.e., any term other than her full legal name.
The mother's post divided the internet. Some supported her for taking her daughter's side, while others called her out for creating an issue out of nothing. For instance, u/ducky818 commented, "NTA. It's not that big of a deal to those who aren't experiencing it. It probably gets on your daughter's nerves to be called something other than the name she wants to be called. If the teacher hadn't complied, I'd have told your daughter to call the teacher something like 'teach' or her first name or the Spanish equivalent of her first name. I'm sure the teacher would have complained that your daughter wasn't being respectful, which is exactly what the teacher was doing to your daughter."
However, u/flomojoeblow wrote, "YTA. You totally blew this out of proportion. It's one thing to want to go by your full name, rather than a nickname (as I do), and correct people. But, when taking a foreign language class, it's not at all uncommon for the teachers to ask the students to pick a name in that language to go by. Alexandra = Alejandra. It's not a nickname. You should have advised your daughter that this is a different situation and to be proud to be called Alejandra. Have fun with it, and don't get her knickers in a twist."
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