Mom stands up for her son after grandma berates him for throwing tantrum and promotes 'tough love'

Breaking generational trauma is one of the hardest things to do. The person responsible for the same receives backlash and negativity and it is not an easy process, but it is quite a meaningful and profound one. A mom of three and a child therapist, Jess–who goes on Instagram as @nurturedfirst–shared the heart-touching story of her friend who took a stand for her son when her mom tried to bring in the torturous and old-school parenting. In an Instagram post, Jess shared her friend’s experience and the action taken, which is one to learn from. She shared that her friend and her son were at their family’s home for lunch and the mom cut her son’s bread wrong. It led to a full-blown tantrum and the son cried during the entire lunch.

“You didn't want your bread cut this way, I hear you,” the mom tried to comfort and validate her son’s feelings. However, the mom’s mother, the grandma, wasn’t on board with the patient and empathetic parenting. She tried to reinforce her harsh methods and said, “I will not tolerate this disrespect at the dinner table. Get a handle on your child.” The post further mentioned that the grandmother grabbed the child and left him in a room to cry alone. The grandma then returned with a ridiculous message for the mom. She said, “This gentle parenting is bullshit. You need to teach your child some tough love.” The tone, anger and her words brought the mom back to her childhood days and the flashback caused her to tremble.

“At 33 years old, her knees still shook when she heard her mom talk in that tone,” the post read. However, at that time the mom realized she was not a helpless child. She was a mom and had two other kids looking at her in fright. Her next steps would decide the outcome that would leave a lasting impact on her children. “This stops with me,” the mom boldly said. She then walked into the old room where her son was sobbing, sat beside him on the floor and let him “collapse into a soft hug.” She turned around the harsh treatment of her mother with her gentle approach that made all the difference.

She said, “You are safe. I’m here. It’s okay to cry.” However, the post further revealed that the mom was not being unreasonable with her approach. She was only being considerate. “She reflected on the morning. He asked to play, but she was busy. He wanted to finish breakfast, but it was time to leave. He tried to listen to his favorite song in the car, but the baby was screaming,” the post read. “When he got to Grandma’s, he was overstimulated, hungry and craving attention. He wasn’t crying about the bread,” the post added. The mom further looked back on how she was forced to deal with crying as a kid. “She used to keep it inside to keep her parents happy,” the post read.

It resulted in her shutting everyone down as an adult. The mom didn’t want the same for her children and took a rightful change in approach. “Time-outs, spanking and so on is not the answer,” Jess said. “Kids struggle with behavior because they’re trying to communicate something,” she added. People supported her stance. @justjennyshares said, “He’s not trying to give you a hard time, he’s having one.” @brookyln_therapist said, “I just want to hug your friend, who managed to support her child and inner child with so much compassion.”