Mom asks how to 'tactfully' ask her adult kids to start sharing the bills when dining out

Parenting can feel like a never-ending journey for some, as they continue supporting their children financially even after they become adults. The expectations adult children have for financial support from their parents spark much debate, especially when those children are well-settled and financially independent. This was the situation for a Mumsnet user who was worried about her two adult kids never offering to split the bill at restaurants. With a holiday approaching, she dreaded the thought of dining out with her family due to the significant cost.

"How do I tactfully propose sharing the bill in restaurants?" the mom asked in her post. She explained that her adult children, who were in their mid to late twenties, never shared the bill amount. The mother expressed that she was happy paying the full bill whenever they went out as a family when they were students. Now, however, doing so had become a point of concern for her as her kids had well-paying jobs and still never offered to share the bill. "I am wondering how to shift the dynamic now so that we split the bills," she explained. "We don't eat out often, but we have a holiday coming up, where we will most likely eat out for several nights on the trot and maybe eat out at lunchtime and go to bars for drinks."

It wasn't just the money that worried the mom but her children's attitude of not acting like grown-ups. "This will mean a considerable amount of expense to me if I pay for all of it. I should say that I could afford it, but it just seems a bit excessive, given that they are now earning well," she pointed out. Also, she agreed with her husband—who is not her children's father—that it was time they were "treated like adults." Seeking help from fellow parents, she wrote, "I don't know whether to say something at the time or to text beforehand, and in either case, I'm not sure quite how to phrase it."

Many folks on the platform agreed with the mom's perspective and suggested some ways to handle this issue. "I would text before saying, 'Should we kitty up before or when we get there for meals and if we need to add in extra, we can do that there.' That way, you set the expectation that it will be shared and offer a solution for them to object to. Any decency about them, they won't or come back with alternative paying suggestions," said @AllaboardTootToot. "They could split it 50/50 and treat their mum for once. As earning adults, it's rude and impolite. You just need to have a chat with them about how you can't pick up the bill all the same," added @MyMauveBiscuit. "Talk to them about it before you go. Say you are happy to treat them from time to time, but as a default, they need to pay their way now they are earning," chimed in @Icanttakethisanymore.

While speaking of dependent adult children, a 2022 survey showed that almost half of American parents help pay adult children's bills. The survey conducted by Lending Tree deduced that 67% of dependent adult children were still living at their parent's home. From groceries to phone bills, parents have been covering many expenses for their adult children. One of the key reasons for this situation was found to be the worsening of the economy after the COVID-19 pandemic.