Mom seeks advice on breaking the cycle of patriarchy while raising a teen boy

Parents significantly influence their children's development. Today, many parents aim to raise children who are kind, equitable, and socially conscious. One mom, @datcherygrateful, posted a heartfelt question on Mumsnet: "Parents of boys, what are we doing to break the cycle of entitlement and patriarchy?" She shared her hopes for her teenage son.

"I want to raise my son, who is a teenager, to not grow into an entitled man, to eventually understand the patriarchal system that has propped many men up and suppressed women and to understand and appreciate equity vs. equality in relationships," the mom wrote. She then shared that she wants him to respect women, be fully functional and be a person who doesn't use weaponized incompetence in his relationships. The mom added that she wants him to be emotionally intelligent and mature. "Be emotionally available, be able to emotionally regulate, be grounded, communicate openly, understand nuances, align his words with actions and live with integrity," she wrote.

Like most mothers, she wants her child to be an active listener to his future partner and children and to stand up for what's right when a friend or peer does something misogynistic. The mother wanted to know from people on the social media platform if she could adopt any parenting practices from their experiences that would help her son. She added that she was frustrated seeing all the threads on the site where "too little progress is made." "Cycles are repeating no matter how kind we think we raise our little boys to be. Women are still bearing the brunt and the things that too many women are experiencing are shocking and it's happening to women in their 20s and 30s; so very young still," the mom wrote. 

The mom didn't want to be complicit about this and concluded the post by asking, "In terms of small steps or microforms or doses, what are we all doing to plant the seeds of change?" People in the comments had some good responses. @Lentilweaver commented about what they do: "Among other things, I make him do all his laundry, cooking and cleaning. We are Asian and most Asian men are not brought up like that! More's the pity. But I can make a change." @OnionPond shared what she does with her child: "I think my whole point is that there are no 'hacks.' I'm modeling the behavior I want him to see, as is DH and other people around him. We talk a lot. I don't think there are any shortcuts."

@MissyB1 shared, "I talk to him, but more importantly, I listen too. It's no use lecturing or nagging or making them feel guilty for being male. It's more about having a positive and constructive relationship where you and the teen have mutual respect. We talk through the issues that affect both sexes and how they can be addressed. Communication is the key! I also role model emotional intelligence and have done since he was a tot." @jellybean85 said, "My husband and I are doing this as a team. We share the workload equally and the household chores and mental load. We treat each other with respect, my views and hobbies are important and I take time for myself rather than martyr myself for the family."