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Mom refuses to alter prom dress for daughter, tells her to lose weight, sparking debate

Debate online ensues when a teen wants to wear her mom's prom dress but she can't fit into it.

Mom refuses to alter prom dress for daughter, tells her to lose weight, sparking debate
Representative Cover Image Source: Pexels | Maryrose; Reddit | u/motherontheside

Many young girls have, at some point, dreamt of trying on their mother’s beautiful outfits. Wedding gowns, prom dresses—these garments hold a timeless charm and sentimental value. Reddit user u/motherontheside shared her dilemma involving her cherished prom dress and her daughter's desire to alter and wear it. The 45-year-old mother of three daughters, revealed that her 17-year-old, Lauren, wants to wear her prom dress from the early '90s.

Representative Image Source: Pexels | Juliano Astc
Representative Image Source: Pexels | Juliano Astc

"My daughters are Kate (20), Lauren (17) and Maddie (10). So I have this beautiful prom dress. It's red and honestly, the best thing to come out of the early 90s. I never got married (I'm with their dad, but we're not married), so it is the most sentimental item of clothing I have and I pride myself on its pristine condition and it was a gift from my late mother," the post began. The mom wrote that her eldest daughter Kate had worn it for her prom too and Lauren has been wanting to wear it for her prom night as well. However, there is a slight issue as the dress is not a perfect fit for Lauren.

The mom knew there was no way for Lauren to fit into that old prom dress without modifying it and she was reluctant to do that. "The dress fits a 2020 US size 4. Lauren is a US 14. At first, I tried to subtly take her away from the idea, saying, 'Are you sure,' or 'You've never really worn red before, you're more of a pink gal,' but she was dead set on it. Then I was like, 'Sweetie, that dress is too small for you,'" the mother tried to explain it to her. However, Lauren was determined to wear it and suggested that the dress "retailored" to fit her.

Representative Image Source: Pexels | Vika Glitter
Representative Image Source: Pexels | Vika Glitter

"I refused because that dress is one of my prized possessions and I don't want it torn apart. I said no but offered to hire someone to make a replica in her size. After all, I was willing to spend more money as we didn't have to spend money on her sister's prom dress. She refused and said she wanted the sentimental value of wearing the dress that her mom and sister wore. I refused and she said I was being fatphobic and that I preferred my 'skinny' daughters," the post continued. One day, the mom found out Lauren had taken her prom dress out and was about to put it on before she stopped her.

"I took the dress around to my sisters for safekeeping as I knew Lauren would try to put it on again. I even got her therapist (she has ADHD) to talk to her about it, but to no avail," the post added. "I finally snapped when Maddie came crying to me, saying that Lauren said that she had no personality because she was skinny and was going to have the whole world handed to her." She finally told her teen daughter that she needed to lose weight to fit in that dress and she wouldn't allow that dress to get ruined by any means.

Representative Image Source: Pexels | Karolina Kaboompics
Representative Image Source: Pexels | Karolina Kaboompics

The mom, who has been feeling guilty after the spat with her daughter, turned to the Reddit community, asking for their advice on this issue. u/ghostiecatlol pointed out, "I really don't think this is about the dress. I think it's more about your daughter knowing she looks different from the rest of you and wanting to prove to herself she can still do the same things. Try not to alienate her." u/Ladyughsalot wrote, "You've been kind. You've been tactful. You've offered alternatives. This is your dress. Offer her a special piece of jewelry to wear. She doesn't want to borrow your dress. She wants to own it. Because once it's tailored, that's it. It isn't yours."

Image Source: Reddit | u/Supaspex
Image Source: Reddit | u/Supaspex

u/Sovonna shared, "I am a woman and I have ADHD. It sounds like you're fighting a classic ADHD hyperfocus spiral. It's not the dress she wants. It's the stimulation wearing the dress will give her. You are taking away the stimulation and therefore, she is angry. The reality is if she wants to wear the dress, she has to work on something long term and for an ADHD brain, that is a very difficult thing to accept. I would suggest treating this like a meltdown, working with her therapist and maybe a nutritionist who has worked with people who suffer from ADHD."

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