Mom questions decision to skip daughter's graduation to teach a life lesson: 'Things got heated'

Parents often face tough choices when trying to teach their kids important lessons. That’s exactly what happened with one mom on Reddit, u/hopeful_pictures586, a woman in her 40s. She shared that she decided not to attend her 18-year-old daughter's graduation after being excluded from the guest list. Unsure if her decision was the right one, she turned to the internet for advice.

The mom explained that her daughter, “B,” was very young when she and her ex-husband split up. Initially, her father remained active in B's life, and she was "a dad's girl." However, things changed when he got married. "He barely called and just abandoned her for his new family. This was hard on her and she rebelled a lot. But she went to therapy and seemed good. B has not seen him since she was 12 and he speaks to her maybe 3 times a year maximum," the mom wrote. On the other hand, the woman shared that she had a great relationship with her daughter. "She even refers to me as her best friend, so I'd say we have a good relationship," she wrote.

As her daughter’s graduation approached, the mom was excited to celebrate the milestone. But a week before the ceremony, the woman learned that her daughter had invited her dad and his son. And because he couldn't stand his ex, the daughter didn't want her mother to attend the graduation. "I angrily told her I felt betrayed and won't forgive her for this. She just told me I have been there for many of her milestones and she wants her father to experience some too. Things got heated and we argued," she wrote. The night before the graduation, the mother requested her daughter to allow her to come for the graduation. Her daughter told her, "I'm sorry, but I'm not changing my mind." She recalled, "I left and cried until my sister offered to take me out during the graduation to take my mind off it and I agreed."

On the morning of the graduation, the mom found B crying. The mother checked the time and realized that her graduation was about to start in 5 minutes. She recounted, "I asked B why she hadn't left yet. B then tells me her father ditched her and isn't answering anymore. I hug her and tell her to make the most of her graduation." The daughter looked shocked and asked her mom if she wasn't coming to her graduation.

"And how it'll be embarrassing to be the only one there without parents. I told her I was sorry that I already had plans. She then screamed and called me a bad mom. I apologized once again and got ready to meet my sister," she wrote. The mother added, "I chose not to go because I felt betrayed and wanted to teach her actions have consequences even if it broke me that I didn't go. Since B returned, she hasn't spoken a word to me. And she looks depressed and like she's been crying for ages. I'm starting to regret not going."

The woman's sister told her that it was the right thing to do, but another mom from her daughter's school shared that B was depressed at the graduation. "Now I feel bad that I ruined what was supposed to be a day to remember because I wanted to teach my daughter a lesson." She ended by asking if she was wrong in doing this. u/madcowboy_64 commented, "You gave her an important lesson about maintaining relationships with the people who are there for you and not blowing them off for the next new thing that comes along." u/certain-thought531 wrote, "She's an adult. She made her choice. She has to live with the consequences. Some lessons aren't learned otherwise." u/hi_im_dadbot expressed, "She's a teenager with abandonment issues, who's not handling them well. It was an opportunity for you to be a parent and you failed."

In an update, the mom shared that she went and apologized to her daughter for not attending her graduation. However, when she asked her daughter if she regretted not inviting her, the 18-year-old said no. The girl said that it was good that she didn't turn up because she would have still preferred her dad. She later told her mother that she would always want her dad in her big moments and she was ready to make any sacrifice for it. The mother ended the post by saying she wouldn't be so apologetic when her daughter would do such things the next time. In the second update, the 40-year-old wrote that her daughter wanted her father to help with the shifting into her college apartment, but he refused and said he "had work." 

She shared that her daughter cried throughout their 3-hour drive to college. So, the mom contacted her former partner's aunt to find out why her father, "F," had been behaving this way and received a long letter. She said, "In a small nutshell, it said that my daughter has been stalking and threatening him and his family and he's been trying to have a healthy relationship with her, but she keeps being aggressive, so he had to distance himself." When the mom shared this with B, she got upset with her mother, saying that she was trying to villainize her father when she was the problem. "She called me a burden and cancer and said I should've stayed out of her business. I was called a bad mother and told I should burn in hell," the woman wrote. She ended her post by saying that her daughter packed her stuff and left and hasn't contacted her for the past two months.