Mom favors her daughter over her stepson and the internet's siding with her: 'My daughter comes first'

Marrying someone who already has a kid comes with some complicated relationship dynamics. Although it can be easy in some cases, at other times, some partners tend to make it hard for each other. A 34-year-old mom, u/LawSuccessful9008, who has a 17-year-old daughter, Olivia, from her previous partner, Martin, and a 15-year-old stepson, Ian, from her current husband, Caleb, found herself in a similarly challenging situation. Since the beginning of their relationship, the woman firmly expressed that her daughter is her first priority, to which Caleb agrees and shares the same about Ian. However, things escalated when the parents decided to help their respective children get a house due to the increasing property prices. 

"I had my daughter Olivia with my then-boyfriend, Martin, when we were seventeen," the woman began. The couple had finished high school just a few months prior and decided to keep the baby against their families' wishes. They worked and studied to build their careers while raising their daughter. However, Olivia did not struggle for necessities but had less compared to her peers. "Martin and I eventually broke up, but we remained friends and have maintained a good co-parenting relationship ever since." The woman graduated, got a great job, and bought a house. She also married her current husband, Caleb, four years ago after dating him for three years.

"He was divorced, and he has a son, Ian, from his previous marriage, with whom I don't have a good relationship." The reason behind that was that the woman didn't get to spend much time with Ian, as he was around only some days of the week and she worked long hours. "From the beginning, I made it clear that Olivia would always be my first priority, no matter what. And he said the same about his kid." Olivia and Caleb shared a cordial relationship but were not very close as the girl was very reserved. "When Olivia was twelve, Martin and I decided to save money in an account to buy our daughter an apartment." She added, "It's almost impossible to own an apartment or a house these days at a young age, especially in Latin America, so we wanted her to have a secure place as we had the money."

When Olivia was fourteen, they bought an apartment that needed a lot of renovations. The woman broke the news to her and shared that Olivia could access the apartment once she started university. However, since she was "stubborn and proud," her parents told her "she would have to work to pay for the renovations and the furniture." She was happy and began working to afford these things. She managed to earn enough money to fix the apartment and moved in when she started college.

"My husband really liked this. He said he wanted to do the same with his son, but he wanted to buy him an apartment in good condition, fully furnished." Caleb spoke to his ex and her husband, and they agreed to contribute. However, he also asked the woman to put in some money for it. "I told him I couldn't, and I gave him my reasons. Basically, my mom is sick with cancer, and I'm the only one of my siblings who can actually afford to pay for her treatment." Additionally, she wanted to send some money to her daughter every month so she could focus on college.

"Caleb was pretty angry with me. He told me it was not fair for me to not contribute since I'm Ian's stepmother and need to step up." He also suggested that Olivia should get a job as she was about to turn eighteen. "I told him he was delusional if he thought I would leave my daughter alone when she's not even a legal adult, just so he can buy an apartment for his son." The woman offered to contribute in the future, but Caleb felt that she was favoring her daughter over his son and refused to speak to her after that. "Some of my friends told me that once I get married to a person with a kid, I'm also taking responsibility for the kid and I should give him the same treatment I give to my daughter." The woman didn't agree with that and asked the community for their opinion.

u/Friendly_Channel_480 wrote, "I hope that you’ve protected Olivia legally. I wouldn’t trust him in that situation." u/jrm1102 commented, "So you never asked Caleb to contribute to the apartment for your daughter, he should not be asking you to contribute for his son either." u/Mabe227 remarked, "Everything you said is in my opinion, correct. You absolutely always put your own child first, and your stepson is not your financial responsibility."