Mom explains why she doesn't use the word 'help' with her kids for household chores, sparking debate

It is a huge responsibility to prepare a child for their future and inculcate within them the right values to go through life. One of the biggest things every parent must teach their children is acknowledging responsibilities and fulfilling them. Because of gender constructs in place, it is easy for children to get a false idea of how duties are divided in a household. They need to understand the meaning of "equitable distribution" so that the world becomes a better place. This has led Sam Kelly to create a unique method of instruction for her children. She revealed in an Instagram post how she doesn't ask for "help" around her household and instead, teaches her kids that it is their job also. However, her approach to parenting has sparked a debate on the platform. 

The mother explained her idea in detail with the help of slides in her post. She wrote, "When we say things like 'helping mom,' we're implying that it's mom who has the actual ownership over the job of managing the home and everyone else is just 'helping' support her in that role." The idea is that they should understand it is their house and therefore, their work. No one person can be relegated the domestic responsibilities, says the mom. 

"It's not mom's job or role to be the one in charge of everything for the home and family while everyone else just chips in and helps here and there," she elucidated. "Helping" puts people in a secondary role when in reality they should be in a primary role when it comes to domestic work, she said and added that she has replaced "help" with "work." In her opinion, another layer to this change is to communicate the message that "managing a home is actual work." In society, there is a huge dismissal of work that goes into running a home, mainly because there is no monetary output associated with it. In reality, this dismissal couldn't be further from the truth. Moreover, Sam wants her children to know that just because she is a woman does not mean that she "enjoys" domestic work more. That is an excuse many patriarchal setups use which is wrong.

Sam does not find anything wrong with labeling all domestic responsibilities as "work." In her opinion, it is "healthy for kids to see work as morally neutral." This will make them more comfortable with the concept of work and make them more efficient with it. She ends her post with a simple message: "So, let's call it like it is: They're not helping you. They're working with you." 

Many people in the comments section loved Sam's method and agreed on its implications. @kirstrussell wrote how she elevates the whole process with another word, "I also like to use the word 'contribute.' We are a team, and teammates all need to contribute in order for the end goal to be completed." @stareaters has another suggestion to add and wrote, "Start with the partners! I love the reframe and wish I had thought of this when my kids were young. We talk about it as a community where everyone needs to contribute for it to function well." A section of users didn't like Sam's idea of parenting. "It’s not the job of a bunch of children to manage a home, it’s the job of the adults that live in it. Don’t have children if you think it’s their job to do your housework," commented @i.kmkr while @rachbonifacio wrote: "Help is not a negative word, nor does it imply that the job is ours alone. In fact, we should be normalizing help and offering help. Just my take." @teachingmama123456 added: "This is silly. It absolutely is the job of the parents to manage and oversee their home. And the kids are truly 'helping.' And helping someone is not demeaning or negative."