Mom explains how hard it is being the ‘safe person’ for your kids and the internet agrees

Parents show mixed emotions when it comes to their experiences of raising a child. Some have a memorable time parenting regardless of challenges while others do not happen to share in such luck. A mother having a bitter experience of parenting took to Reddit, seeking advice from the community after her kids showed no empathy towards her. The woman, who goes by u/throwawayreddit022, explained that she was feeling tired of her job as the “safest” person for her children.

“My kids are angels to everyone else—ANGELS. There is constant talk about how great they are: model students with straight A's,” the mom's post begins, adding that her kids are adored by everyone in and around the family. She shared that her children did not treat her in the same light and that she no longer wanted to be the “safe” person for them. 

The disheartened mom shared, “My kids are demons to me. This morning, my oldest was screaming and yelling. I'm constantly dealing with temper tantrums, and everything I say is apparently up for negotiation.” Through her post, the mom maintained that she was not respected by her children. 

“Everyone else gets so much more respect than I do. But if you ask my kids, they say they love me the most,” the post continued. The mom went on to recall a recent, unpleasant incident that she faced with her eldest son. “My oldest (son) even said, after a day when the guidance counselor spoke with the class, 'I would never need to see her; you’re like a guidance counselor for me,’” she remembered.

The incident left a mark on the mom's heart as she discussed it with her loved ones. “When I complain about this to close friends I am told, ‘You are their safe person,’” she wrote. She further shared that she disliked being taken for granted by her kids as a result of being the "safe person." “Just because I’m the 'safe one,' everyone gets the best versions of my kids, while I get the worst.”

“It’s inching closer to the time for me to pick them up from school, and I’m dreading it. I just want to cry,” the mom shared. “This sucks. I genuinely understand moms who run away at this point,” she concluded. The mom's post resulted in an overflow of support in the comments section. 

u/boringbonding remarked, “Being a safe person is different from being their punching bag. Set some boundaries! Don’t teach them that it’s okay to treat anyone like that. Venting your feelings does not mean treating someone poorly.” Another overwhelmed parent, u/sunbear2525, suggested the same and shared their take on the matter: “I told my daughter that she wasn’t allowed to speak to me unkindly and that I would answer her question when she asked politely (she was screaming).”

Adding to it, u/flexi_freewalker advised, “Yeah, except these are your kids. You're responsible for them. You can set boundaries but you cannot compare to anyone else. Being a safe person to your kids just means that it's not someone else, which you definitely will not like. It's also not going to last till adulthood, as long as you're instilling the right values in them.” Emphasizing that it was “not okay” to be treated this way, u/39bears asked the woman to take control of the situation. “You have to reinforce boundaries at that moment: ‘Hey, it seems like you're having a hard time. I'm not going to address whatever you're yelling about until you can talk to me in a calm voice.’”