Sometimes, it becomes very important in life to take a stand for yourself, even if it means going against your family.
When a couple decides to part ways after getting married and being together for years, there's a lot of pain and confusion involved. It becomes even more complicated when there are kids involved in the story. Similarly, u/CalligrapherGrand439 shared her divorce story and how it affected her life and her relationship with her kids on Reddit while asking people for advice about what should be done.
The woman began her story by stating that while her ex-husband was a wonderful father, he wasn't a good husband. The couple had two kids and when the kids were 14 and 10, respectively, the woman divorced her ex. The man ended up spiraling quite a bit and the kids were quite exposed to the terrible condition of their dad. She said, "I was blamed for ruining Dad." After some time, the man got better, but he spiraled again when the woman started to date other people. In her words, "He got better after a few years but ended up doing it again when he learned I was dating. So, the kids kept trying to get me not to date since it would affect their dad. It was an awful time since to the kids, I was still responsible for what he did and reacted to things."
The woman just ended up dating in secret and stopped posting pictures with anyone on social media because her kids never approved of her relationship. Alternatively, she also sent her kids to therapy to be able to deal with the divorce better. However, all of them stopped going when they turned 18 years old. Besides, her middle child refused to talk altogether, so the mom pulled him from therapy. When the oldest kid was 25 and the youngest was 21, a man proposed to marry the woman. She happily said yes and told the same to her kids, who were upset that their mother was doing this to their dad. After some conversations, however, they seemed to be okay.
With the wedding only two weeks away, the woman received a text from all her children that they needed to support their dad during this time and wouldn't be at her wedding. She said, "I had enough and texted them that if they do not go to my wedding, it will damage our relationship and I will not be attending their weddings when they get married." It pissed the kids off and resulted in an argument. The woman says she hates that she can't do anything that makes her happy because it will affect her ex.
She says she gave her kids the ultimatum and was okay with letting them go because she's had enough. She said, "It's for everything. Anytime I have something good, his feelings have to come first." She adds, "I can't do that anymore, it hurts too much." After some real contemplation about whether or not she should tell her kids their father's truth, she went ahead and said it. However, the kids were too brainwashed to believe their mom even when she provided proof. So, she decided to take a stand for herself and leave.
People in the comment section sided with her and shared their thoughts. u/themermaidag said, "NTA. They are adults now and should realize that you are under no obligation to stay single to appease your ex. They are not the only people who have had parents divorce and yet it seems like they can't get over it. And if after all this time, your ex is still emotionally impacted by your personal life, then he needs to get on with his life and get help because it is not healthy. Also, assuming that they want you to go to their weddings in the future, are they expecting you to go solo and not bring your husband?"
u/JGalKnit added, "I think you may need to discuss this with your kids in a mediated therapeutic setting. They blame you for their father's issues, and that is likely because of things he tells them. I would recommend talking to them. No, you don't have to go to their weddings and you aren't responsible for everything, but you are also an adult and you may regret that ultimatum."