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Mom asks if she is wrong to be upset that her partner is excluding her autistic child

A mom shared her partner was excluding her son because he is autistic. She wanted him to take at least one of her children for the trip.

Mom asks if she is wrong to be upset that her partner is excluding her autistic child
Representative Cover Image Source: Pexels | Vera Arsic | Mumsnet | @luckyloooooo

Everyone in a relationship expects love without discrimination and there is nothing wrong in expecting this sort of treatment. This woman also expected the same but her boyfriend disappointed her with his actions. A woman, @lucyloooooo, shared on MumsNet how her boyfriend has been discriminating against her and her children. She first gave some background to the whole situation. She revealed that she has two children from a previous relationship which ended four years ago.

Representative Image Source: Pexels | Tatiana Syrikova
Representative Image Source: Pexels | Tatiana Syrikova

Her two children are currently 6 and 5 years old and she emphasized that the post is mainly about her 5-year-old son. Other than these two kids, she has a son with her boyfriend. Then she went on to talk about the issue. "My partner is going away this weekend with his family (mum, 2 brothers, brothers 2 children, brother's wife) and taking their son with him. He has not invited me or my other two children," the woman wrote. 

She told him that she felt excluded because this was their child's first trip and she was met with his ignorance, hostility, and anger. "He said he doesn't want us to come due to my 5-year-old being autistic. It's not fair to anyone else who wants a chilled weekend away, it's not his trip to go inviting whomever, and he is not their dad," the mom shared. The woman also said that her partner is using their past experiences with the autistic child as an example to exclude him.

Representative Image Source: Pexels | Vitaly Gariev
Representative Image Source: Pexels | Vitaly Gariev

"I'll admit there have been a few times we have taken out 6 year old alone to certain things, such as the arcades ( a small outing, a couple of hours at most) but it's because he very rarely gets the chance just to be himself and do what he wants without worrying about what 5-year-old son is doing/going to do/how he will react." She clarified that she is not ignorant about the fact that her disabled child is not easy. "But he is getting better with age, communicating more than ever, gaining an understanding and just getting better at everything in general," she said.

She expressed that she doesn't want to keep her child locked up anymore. "My two children went on holiday with their dad 2.5 years ago and I was heartbroken that I wouldn't be seeing their first holiday, but accepted that this is the life of separated parents," the mom wrote. However, she opened up that she feels hurt that her partner is excluding her 5-year-old son "purposefully" because he has autism. The woman said, "I even suggested to him to at least take my 6-year-old as well, the most easygoing child you'll ever meet and doesn't get to do much being that one of his siblings is autistic and the other a baby, so both require a lot of attention. But, again, he refused as he said he didn't want to take the responsibility of 2 children 'alone' and had said his family only asked for their son."

Representative Image Source: Pexels | RDNE Stock Project
Representative Image Source: Pexels | RDNE Stock Project

The woman shared that he had said a lot of things in the past few days that have been hurtful but she has been most hurt by how he is treating her and her two children. "Partner admitted he is happy to have my feelings at his disposal to please everyone else around him, including himself," the mom wrote. She concluded by asking if she was being unreasonable and if she needed to assess the matter moving forward. 

Image Source: Mumsnet | @sparkles79
Image Source: Mumsnet | @sparkles79

People supported the mom and suggested she get out of the relationship. @overthebow commented, "He and his family don’t want to include your children. You weren’t together very long at all before you had a child together so he didn’t get the full picture. I can understand why he didn’t want to take your 6-year-old by himself as he isn’t his dad." @olympicsrock wrote, "He doesn’t see you as a family. He has a girlfriend with whom he shares a child. The girlfriend happens to have two kids who are not his responsibility. He does not see himself as their dad/stepdad. Nor does his family. You can’t change how he thinks but you can change how you think about the relationship and I wouldn’t want to progress things with a man who doesn’t want to take on your children."

Image Source: MumsNet | @LordEmsworth
Image Source: Mumsnet | @LordEmsworth

@pictoosh expressed, "This can be one of the tricky things about step-families. Rightly or wrongly, your partner's family is not invested in your older children. It's really not up to him to invite them on his family's trip. He is right about that. I understand how dejected you must feel about is very disappointing that they haven't embraced your kids as a family, particularly when support with your middle son would be so appreciated." @witsend101 wrote, "He sounds awful. Please don't subject yourself or your children to living with a man who clearly doesn't have any concern for your feelings and doesn't seem to like your older children. You all deserve better."

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