Millennial sparks important discussion by admitting he can't take care of his mom in her old age

Life often starts with children relying on their parents' care and ends with elderly parents depending on their children. While many feel a moral obligation to care for their parents in their final years, others may not be able—or willing—to take on such a big responsibility. A Reddit user, u/Derpy1984, found himself in this situation. As a self-employed millennial struggling with a modest income, he told his mom that he wouldn’t be able to care for her when she got older, sparking a heated debate online.

It all began when his mother, who is in her 60s, asked him to join her on a trip to Belgium, saying she "wasn't comfortable navigating another country by herself." Though the son was skeptical at first, he decided to accompany her when she agreed to pay for all his meals, transit and other costs during the trip. "She was incredibly generous to do all of this but there was a meal that got dark because of a conversation I wanted to have in person with her," he mentioned in a Reddit post. A spontaneous conversation about the mom's will turned into a "I can't help you" talk. The mom revealed that she didn't have any will and the son was taken aback because his mom was someone who, though jokingly, hoped that he would take care of her. 

He explained to his mother that he had moved 1,000 miles away to pursue a new life and his "non-lucrative dreams." Though his resume was eligible for entry-level jobs, he wouldn't be able to afford to take care of his mom during her old age with a $40K to $80K annual income. He also dreaded moving back closer to his mom's area in South California which was way more expensive than his current residence in the Pacific Northwest. Also, he had a brother who was affluent enough to support their mom. When he opened up about this situation, his mom advised him that he had to stay consistent in his job. "I told her that's all well and good but I'm not going to go get an office job back home today just to prepare for my life as a nurse for her in 10 years," he added. 

The son's conversation with his mom did not sit well with many internet users. "Absolutely not. I got my mom's back no matter what. We got my partner's parents' backs, too," retaliated u/jscottcam10. "This is a good thing to remember when you're thinking about retirement/senior planning. Your children will be in this position and have to choose between helping you and letting you be literally homeless," pointed out u/Normal-Basis-291. "No way would I say that to either of my parents, they've been there for me my whole life and I will be there for them," added u/heathcliffxo.

However, a few others rallied in support of the son's perspective. "Good for you. And I don't mean that in a screw-your-mom-over way. You had an honest discussion with her. So many people don't have those discussions," said u/Brownie-0109. "This sounds like one of the most brave and straightforward things that you could have done. I hope you snapped her back to reality," remarked u/shredditor75. "I encouraged my parents to invest in long-term care insurance. I told them 'Your kids are barely affording their basic needs, what kind of care do you think we could afford for you when you can't care for yourself any longer?'" chimed in u/Sam_Paige25.