Mother-in-law confessed to 'tolerating' her for 8 years because she married her son — her husband's response felt like a punch in the gut
What made it even more infuriating was the reaction of the husband to his mother's comment
Marriage often brings changing roles and blurred family boundaries, and with them, new insecurities. A careless remark or an offhand comment can snowball into years of resentment. Few relationships have been scrutinized as much as that between women and their mothers-in-law. One person (u/Future_Guarantee_153) sensed this tension in their relationship after a remark their mother-in-law made when they were spending time together, according to a June 17, 2026, Reddit post.
My MIL told me to my face that she "tolerates" me for my husband's sake and now she's confused why I won't visit anymore
by u/Future_Guarantee_153 in JUSTNOMIL
Love is not 'tolerance'
It happened when the person visited their in-laws' house about a month ago. They and their mother-in-law were sitting at the kitchen table while the husband was outside with his dad. They and their mother-in-law were the only people there, and soon, the silence got uncomfortable. So they started playing on their phone. When the game didn’t help, they casually asked her whether everything was okay in their relationship. At this point, the mother-in-law made a remark that instantly dripped bitterness into their relationship.
“Honey, I tolerate you because I love my son, and he chose you. That has always been enough for me,” the mother-in-law told them, finished her coffee, and excused herself. Probably hurt, the person packed their bags and decided to leave on the same night. On the drive home, they revealed to their husband what their mother-in-law had said to them. Their husband responded coolly, suggesting that his mother didn’t “mean it.”
A bitter crescendo of tension
Tension rose to such a point that the person stopped meeting their mother-in-law. "I have not been back to their house in 5 weeks. She has called me twice asking why I'm being distant and saying she misses our chats," they said. The casual normalization of their partner added even more strain to the overall family dynamics. The husband even tried to excuse his mother’s behavior by saying she belongs to a different generation, but by this point, the person was left wondering who was the real problem: their mother-in-law or their husband?
Mother-in-law or monster-in-law?
This tense dynamic between mothers-in-law and their daughters-in-law has been known since the beginning of time, and studies affirm this scenario. According to research by the British psychologist Dr. Terri Apter, in which he spoke to 163 people, 60% of women describe their relationships with their mothers-in-law as “strained,” “uncomfortable,” “infuriating,” “depressing,” “draining,” or “simply awful.”
In contrast to women, only 15% of men have tense or stressful relationships with their mothers-in-law. In a conversation with TODAY, Geoffrey Greif, co-author of “In-law Relationships: Mothers, Daughters, Fathers, and Sons,” revealed that nearly 15% of mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have a troubled relationship.
'It's not your fault'
Reddit readers empathized with the person, professing that it was not their fault for wanting to disengage with their mother-in-law. u/Slow_Writing7823 wrote, “There is no middle for your husband. He has to manage this with his ma because she insulted you. I don’t blame you for not wanting to engage.” u/SylvarGrl said, “Tell her you tolerated her company until she proved to you that she wasn’t worth the effort. Now (for your husband’s sake) you can still tolerate one another — at a comfortable distance.”
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