His mum excluded his wife from her 'special' 70th birthday because she 'barely knew her.' His RSVP checked her attitude in real time
He knew his mother had problems with his fiancée and was using her birthday to send a clear message
Most people believe that marriage makes someone part of the family. But one man's (u/ecklcakes) mother refused to accept it. The author and his fiancée were getting married in a week. A week later, his family planned to spend the weekend in Italy to celebrate his mom's 70th birthday. But there was one hiccup: his soon-to-be wife was not invited. His mom argued that she did not know her daughter-in-law well enough to celebrate with her. The author was made to choose between the two women in his life, and his decision revealed truths that were difficult to swallow. The post was shared on August 30, 2026, and it had 1,900 upvotes and 641 comments.
One-sided wedding
The issues between the author's mother and his fiancée were deep-rooted, and they surfaced during wedding planning. "My mum feels like she and my dad have not gotten to know my fiancée well enough in the past 5 years we've been seeing each other, and I admit that maybe I haven't made enough effort to facilitate that," he wrote. The author is British, and his fiancée is Nigerian. His mother felt that "both Nigerian and British food being served at the wedding were seen as one-sided, as there was a Nigerian wedding in Lagos," planned by his fiancée's side of the family. She argued that they did not have much say in the upcoming wedding.
Freshly married
The author sensed that his mother did not like his fiancée, but she refused to admit it. However, her 70th birthday celebration plans were proof of that. She did not want to invite his fiancée, who would've been his wife by then, all because she "doesn't know her well enough." She added that she does not celebrate her birthday every year, which is why "her 70th is quite special, so she wants it the way she wants it." The author felt it was wrong to attend his mom's birthday without his wife, especially considering they would have been married for just one week. He did what he thought was right and RSVP'd 'No' to his mother's birthday celebration.
MIL and DIL relationships
It is common knowledge that mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law may not always get along. A study conducted by Michael E. Woolley and Geoffrey Greif found that MILs were more likely to feel closer to DILs who share common interests with them. Additionally, if the MIL has a close relationship with her son, she is more likely to have a good relationship with her DIL. Lastly, when MILs feel left out of their son and DIL's relationship, they report having a weak relationship with the latter.
Woolley and Greif also shared results of a survey in their book, "In-law Relationships: Mothers, Daughters, Fathers, and Sons." The survey cited by TODAY shared that 33% of MILs believed they were close with their DILs, while only 18% of DILs felt the same. 42% admired their DIL, while only 23% of DILs shared the sentiment towards their MILs.
Actions have consequences
People were furious at the mom's actions towards the author's wife in the comment section. u/Dlodancer wrote, "NTA. Ask your mom how she is supposed to get to know your wife if she excludes her? Your wife is your family now, and she should be included! Don’t go and stand by your wife." u/4riys added, "I don't know my son's wife super well, but it's my job to keep visiting and get to know her (she's lovely, by the way)."
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