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Men share 20 red flags that guys often display that people should look out for

If your boyfriend constantly demeans you and doesn't acknowledge your accomplishments, that's a definite red flag.

Men share 20 red flags that guys often display that people should look out for
Young couple is arguing on the street - stock photo/Getty Images

Domestic violence is the most common type of gender-based violence and on most occasions, men are perpetrators, according to a study. Most heterosexual women have a terrible story about a man in their life and this isn't limited to just violence or even intimate relationships. From being passive-aggressive, misogynistic, controlling, dishonest, toxic or gaslighting, men can make life incredibly hard for women. Be it at home, their workplace or even in public places. There are a lot of red flags to spot toxic men but in the honeymoon period of a relationship, it's a common tendency to look past them. It's also harder to identify them. Reddit users gave tips on identifying red flags that men often display and said people could use them to determine the kind of person they are surrounded by. Here are some of the top tips we came across that can help you identify toxic men:

Young couple is arguing on the street - stock photo/Getty Images


1. 'He's different with me'

If you have to defend him with a phrase like “oh, but when he’s just with me, it’s different” or “But you don’t see him when he is nice…” Who he is when he’s at his worst is still the guy you’re dating…and if all your friends see or hear about is the worst? It’s not something they aren’t seeing, it’s something you aren’t recognizing. u/Brutesentiment

2. Shushing you often

My ex used to shush me when I wasn't saying something he approved of and constantly corrected me and half the time he was wrong because I Google it lol. u/Paine91

3. Punishing perceived wrongdoings

This goes for all genders really, but anyone who thinks they have the right to "punish" you for perceived wrongdoings is a waste of time in my opinion. That's not how equals resolve issues. u/KrtekJim

4. You need an outsider's perspective

A good yardstick is to look at your relationship from the outside: If your sister/best friend/mother’s boyfriend did X to her, would you be concerned? Self-awareness is important because sometimes you’re too close to the situation to see it objectively. u/Deadlifts_n_riffs

5. If he isn't listening to you

 A failure to listen during conversation and subsequent failure to ask you about anything important to you. u/BandicootPlastic5444

6. Someone who can’t accept your accomplishments

Don’t be with someone who feels the need to compete with you or can’t accept that you’ve accomplished your goals. My wife is a Doctor; I’m a f*cking idiot! I asked her what made her want to marry me. She said, “You took time to praise my accomplishments and made me feel important — all while struggling yourself.” u/OLPopsAdelphia

7. Making jokes that demean you

Disrespect disguised as jokes, comedy can be a little hurtful but an obvious insult followed by 'I was just joking' is a coward's method to avoid confrontation. u/RoyGBIV45




8. Listen to his ex

If his last girlfriend tries to earnestly warn you, she may actually be warning you. 

Just experienced this myself. His ex-girlfriend reached out to me several months ago and warned me he is 'dangerous' and that he lies about everything and to be careful. Naturally, I dismissed her as a jealous ex-girlfriend and I held him tighter. So anyway, yeah my court date to make my restraining order against him permanent is this Monday 🙃. All I have to show from our relationship is gross bruises, and now I’m finding more comfort and understanding from his “jealous ex-gf” than I am from my own friends. u/digitalcruxifixion


9. If you're boyfriend is a 'love bomber'

Hundred percent, if you are feeling unwanted and unloved, and are thinking about breaking up, and then you try to bring it up and all of a sudden he starts being everything you wanted, to only go back to being distant and cold. You have yourself a love bomber. It's awful. The amount of people who fall for this is sad. Cause some people just get caught in this vicious cycle not knowing it's even happening. u/Insanefox32


10. Men prey on the kind

Men that take kindness as weakness. All too common. u/DelayedKnee

11. Waiting outside your workplace 24x7

When I worked at KFC, there was a girl whose boyfriend would stay parked outside the door during her entire shift. That is not something I've seen commonly and it's a HUGE red flag. u/LobotomistPrimetime




12. Problem with you hanging out with friends

Very nice to you but not others, has a problem with you going out or hanging out with friends. If he has to be with you every time you do etc RUN. u/OverPot

13. Lying for your approval

Had a couple sit down at my restaurant and the guy kept loudly insisting that he would give extra tips while in front of his date. He said it again when he went up to the cashier to pay via Apple Pay. Forgot to sign the receipt until we told him to. Guy proceeded to rush out of the restaurant with his date yelling back about how much tip he so 'generously' gave. For an almost $60 dinner, the guy gave $2 in tip. I feel bad for his date. u/DeDuncanStuff

14. Men who always blame their exes

Be careful of men who blame every failed relationship on the ex. Not only will you be the next bad story, but he likely doesn’t have accountability. -Reddit


15. Feet in two boats

If he's "getting out of a relationship" while trying to start one with you, you will never be sure when he begins one with someone else while still in one with you. u/xmagusx


16. Beware of 'alpha intellectuals'

What I call 'alpha intellectuals' are those who have to constantly show how intelligent they are, how they are the most knowledgeable on a subject, and they always have to be right. It’s like their identity depends on people recognizing they are smart. u/jfdonohoe 




17. Men who set up hidden cameras at home

Hides beer under his bed
Keeps a knife under his pillow
Has hidden cameras in his living room and kitchen u/Ascelpius555


18. 'Soft bois'

It's hard to see because he will literally create this persona exclusively hide it from you, but those 'Soft Bois.' Super emotional and sad and 'let's watch the notebook 🥺🥺🥺' in front of a girl, but then he's a gross weirdo when he's around his friends and pretty much every other walk of life. u/Cathaldotcom


19. Mistreats animals

If he is mean towards your pet don't stay silent, your pet needs your protection. My friend's boyfriend was quite mean towards her bird, I don't know how she tolerated him I would never let anyone mistreat my pet. u/SuvenPan


20. Inability to apologize

And not really apologizing. “I’m sorry you felt I was being/doing x but I wasn’t.” Yeah, that’s not really an apology. u/WithoutDennisNedry

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