Men share the advice they received from their therapists that they couldn't have figured out by themselves.
Therapy can be a game-changer for many individuals. Since it is a confidential space that allows people to explore their thoughts, emotions and behaviors with a trained professional, it provides a conducive environment to gain valuable insights about oneself. Such insights might not ever come across the person outside of therapy. It can lead to having a deeper sense of understanding about many things. u/Agentc00l touched upon this topic when they asked, "Men who have therapists, what beneficial advice have you received from therapy that you couldn't work out on your own?" Here are 10 of the most thought-provoking answers that they had to share.
I've been in therapy for about six months. My wife had cancer, now she's passed away. It's not one specific thing that I get out of therapy. It's more like an opportunity to work things out myself by the therapist asking me questions and helping me figure out what I'm feeling. - u/Red_AtNight. This is exactly it. I equate it to a personal trainer; they don't do the work for you, but they guide you along that path and motivate you to do the hard things and go to the dark places while in a safe space so you can come out the other side stronger. For me, I was in therapy for about six months and by that time, I felt like I'd learned enough about myself to want to give it a go myself. I feel extremely capable of recognizing when the anxiety is occurring and I know what steps to take to 'climb down off the railings,' so to speak. I am aware of when I'm having an episode and am able to almost separate myself from it and observe it as it occurs. I'm far more in control of my emotional response to things. Therapy was the best thing I ever did. - u/postvolta
Heartbreak led me to therapy. When I saw my ex get the same thing done to her that she did to me, I laughed at her sorrow. I expressed that I felt bad for laughing and my therapist said, "It doesn't matter why you're happy or what made you happy. What matters is you feel happiness." On my relationship with my abusive father: "Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from." - u/blackjustin
I had a few therapists. My favorite one would just tell me, "Who cares?" I was really caught up in feeling like a bad person. In reality, I was attacking myself for no reason. She would tell me stuff like. "I don't think you are, but let's say hypothetically that you are this bad person. Well, who cares?" Her thing was like, life goes on. We put unnecessary stress on ourselves. Nobody is thinking about you as much as you're thinking about you. So just stop giving a f***. - u/Viti-Boy_Phresh
It helps me frame things in my mind in a healthier way. I try to work on being more gentle with myself. Also, landed in therapy because of heartbreak and the therapist has said things about the chemistry of falling in love and some other things that I think helped take away some of the rose lenses when looking back on the relationship. Honestly, sometimes it just feels good to talk to someone for an hour a week about why I'm still sad about it and not feel like I'm burdening my friends or being annoying. - u/Rangerfan1214
I was b******* about how the wife did not appreciate the work and effort that went into me building her a garden house. That I did a lot of work for her. Therapist: So you really appreciate when people do things for you as it shows they care? Me: Yes. Therapist: Others don't all show love that way. Some show it through touch, through words of affirmation, through gifts, through spending time with you. These acts of service for you are the way you see love. Not the way everyone else sees loving behavior. So you building the house is an act of service FOR her because you see that as an act of love. Because that is what you want to receive. And you do these acts all of the time and are disappointed when others don't love what you have done for them. Meaning because of the way you show love, you are the best boyfriend for YOU. Me: Well damn (Concepts above are the five love languages. Highly recommend. Helped show me what to give her to feel loved. Hint: it wasn't a garden shed). - u/bobnla14
A couple of therapists that I saw with my ex-wife helped me to understand that I needed to leave the marriage and what I needed to look for in my next partner and I think also how to be a better partner. - u/WoodsFinder. I had a similar moment with a relationship counselor. I was wrecking myself trying to save a marriage that she didn't want to save. I realized that I needed to move on with my life. - u/luckystrike_bh. Also, helped me understand that there's no amount of change you can make if the other is unable to accept it and makes no offer to change herself. - u/zzay
I had a pretty traumatic year last year (I actually didn't think it affected me as much). I had to stand up to a "bully" in my life in court and I was holding a lot of hurt by this. And that hurt manifested itself into anger, anxiety, panic attacks, etc. I did a form of EMDR therapy recently and from that moment, I'm much more laid back, relaxed and feel physically and mentally better. It was amazing. I'm still not done because we are unpacking a few more things. But without therapy, I wouldn't have been able to identify feelings and issues without her input. I usually just try to bury feelings, but this has kind of released those feelings, so I don't even have to bury them anymore. - u/JD-Anderson
I can pinpoint and label my emotions. I used to get overwhelmed by emotion and I could never express how I truly felt. Now, I can say exactly what emotion I am feeling and why and then begin to work to resolve the underlying issue of those emotions. I'm just now beginning to work through childhood trauma that has transferred into adulthood. I've been going to the same therapist weekly for seven years and have no intention of stopping anytime in the near future. It's my favorite day of the week. I'm open to answer any questions for anyone who may have any. - u/InhLaba
Nothing really, but it is good to have someone that I can just be completely honest about everything with. Even my best friends, I don't necessarily vent to them about my wife and shit because that's between me and my wife. It's just a time when I can focus on my own mental well-being without having to worry about someone else. Most of the time, we work through issues together, but he will also call me out if I'm being unreasonable about something and since I know he knows everything and has no reason to take a side or have ulterior motives, I tend to take his advice more than I do other people. I also happen to have a really good therapist. He will text me every so often with an article or just to check in at random. - u/read_it_r
I was living in a nightmare situation. Instead of telling me dramatic things to do, my therapist had me write down how I was feeling every 15 min. So, in a day, I'd be able to point to two or three moments where I felt good. My therapist had me focus on those moments and try to have more of them. This led me to a kind of barrier in my life. I was trying to have more good moments but just couldn't. This led me to realize I'd need to leave my girlfriend of 12 years in order to be happy. This was obviously the answer from the beginning, but learning it like this removed the fear of it. Instead of feeling like I failed, I felt like I was making a good decision. - u/Earl_your_friend