A 1960s math formula solved ‘commitment issues’ by finding the exact moment one should settle down
We're caught up in the web of the right time and right person but this theory offers some guidance
We often ponder what the “right time” looks like to make the compatible pick, whether it's a relationship or a job. Emily Higgins (@itsemilyhiggins), a technology enthusiast, shared a post on March 28, revealing how there is a perfect mathematical way to figure out how to make this pick. Known as the “secretary problem,” esteemed mathematicians tried to figure out a solution for decades until, in the 1960s, they had answers. So if you find yourself in a whirlpool of options, confused about which to choose, try applying this theory and see what offerings it shows.
Sharing an example, Higgins cited the classic parking fiasco. While hunting for a spot, even if we see an empty one, we drive further down in hopes of finding something more suitable. We might find something, but we still drive on, keeping the hunt going. Midway, we're frustrated and confused and wonder whether we should have just parked when we got that spot. And we find ourselves in similar blunders when it comes to dating, marriage, finding the right job, and so on. Not only do we want the option to be the right one, but we also want it to be the right time. And there’s math to help. According to The Washington Post, the theory has multiple other names, “The Optimal Stopping Theory” being one of the most common.
As the name suggests, the math and formula are designed to look at statistics and probabilities to help you understand when the perfect time is to stop looking and make a pick. When it comes to dating and relationships, the figure you have to recall is 37%. You basically date and reject this 37%, and as per the theory, you then look for the immediate next option that seems best and take it. Higgins shared some numbers to help. Suppose you start dating by the age of 18 and want to be married by 32; it means you have 14 years of looking. The rule then suggests you spend 5 years looking for potential partners. But you’re only looking, and not choosing anyone from this lot.
After you’ve done this, the next best person you find, you should lock it in, the theory suggests. But how accurate is this idea? How could you know that the one you let go is definitely not the one for you? Mathematician Hannah Fry shared her thoughts on the perspective in a 2014 TED talk. She noted that personally, the idea of putting formulas to love made no sense. “Human emotion isn't neatly ordered and rational and easily predictable,” she explained. She added that with this theory, there are two risks — one of missing your ideal partner because they landed in the first 37%, and the second, the risk of never finding someone better than the first 37%.
Data from Statista revealed that the age of marriage has vastly varied across generations. While 81% of the silent generation were married between the ages of 23 and 38, the rate has gradually dropped. And only 44% of millennials were able to settle down during that age. But not all is lost; the theory has some power to it. Fry suggested that instead of being rigid and focused on numbers, take the gist of the theory — giving yourself some time on the field, seeing what’s there, and then making a well-thought-out decision.
She elaborated this in her study shared by Ideas.Ted: “Spend a bit of time playing the field when you’re young, rejecting everyone you meet until you’ve got a feel for the marketplace,” she noted. At the end of the day, love is a gamble, whether with numbers or compromises or sacrifices or just letting loose and taking risks. You have to find your authentic path.
You can follow Emily Higgins (@itsemilyhiggins) on Instagram for more content on AI and technology.
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