Man with terminal cancer wants one last 'semi-normal' Christmas with his family but they don't oblige

Terminal illnesses like cancer are incredibly challenging, and managing other people’s emotions on top of one’s own can feel impossible. Understandably, it’s the responsibility of loved ones to support, not burden, someone facing such an ordeal. Reddit user u/KillerChristmas recently shared his experience dealing with his diagnosis and his family’s reaction.

"I beat cancer once, having had to go through ablative treatments, radiation, and then finally a partial nephrectomy resulting in complete remission for six years. Now I have to contend with the fact I have cancer again, in a new location, that we didn't find until it had f*****g populated through other organs like a goddamn mutation parade. I'm dying," the person wrote in the beginning.

The patient had beaten kidney cancer but later developed a specific gastric cancer which spread into the liver and lungs before the doctors could diagnose it. The condition had worsened so much that even targeted medicines, shoving tubes into the veins to block the flow feeding the cancer wasn't working and surgery would not cut it because of how much it had already spread.

"We've escalated through several different medicines and dosages designed to stop the death march but there gets to a point where the cost of another month is too much, both on my wife and I and our wallets. So we've moved on to taking care of the symptoms instead, palliative not curative," the post read. 

He shared how he initially planned to tell his family about his diagnosis after enjoying one last semi-normal Christmas and New Year together. However, his sister-in-law had other plans. "I have time still. I wanted to have one last semi-normal Christmas and New Year with my family before telling them I had a year left. This went out the window because my SIL (sister-in-law) decided it was her moral obligation to hunt my mother down on Facebook and tell her, so she could spread the word amongst them all so they could have their final holidays with me the way they wanted and not regret missing out on their last chances," the post read. 

It turned out that the man's sister-in-law told everyone before he and his wife could fly in. The family also didn't tell them as they thought he would be "too hurt and angry to come visit." The man then goes on to write that he is now struggling with the betrayal from his sister-in-law. He was also not ready to meet his family and be bombarded with tips and tricks to combat cancer.

He talked about how his wife is now fielding communication between him and his family as he doesn't want to deal with their "'but we love you and losing you hurts us so much, we had to have our Christmas with you' and 'you should have told us, how horrible for us that we had to find out from someone going behind your back' and 'but here is this medicine that I read online about, why don't you tell your doctor you want to try this next?' 'Why won't you undergo medication treatments that are proven not to work well on your specific cancer? I read an article!'" he added in the post.

The man then goes on to add that while he realizes that his family is grieving he is still very mad at them. "They aren't thinking about me at all. I should be able to rely on them but here I am having to console them and help them through their grieving process," he added.

People in the comment section sided with the man and talked about how his family's reaction was uncalled for. "I am so sorry. I am so sorry about ALL of this. And at a time during which you have so little power or control that your SIL took this ONE thing you had control over away from you. f**k her," wrote u/Amazing-Wave4704. "NTA OP tell your family that this very reaction is why you didn’t tell them, they are proving your point. Tell them they can still salvage this if they can shut up about your diagnosis and just enjoy each other's company. If they can’t, then you will be leaving. Tell her to process their grief privately with their spouse or therapist, it’s unfair to dump it all on you—you didn’t ask to get cancer," added u/Leucotheasveils.