Man sparks debate after refusing to pay child support for ex-girlfriend's daughter: 'Seems unfair'

Fathers play a vital role in children's lives, offering wisdom and support as they grow into independence—and sometimes beyond. For kids with absent or deceased dads, that role can often be filled by a father figure, whether it's a stepdad, a mom’s boyfriend, or a close relative. One such figure was a 28-year-old Reddit user, u/PictureSufficient932, who stepped into that role for his ex-girlfriend's daughter for six years. He had been a part of the child's life since she was 3, until he and the girl's mother recently broke up.

In his post, he admitted that he was close with the kid, now 9, and considered her his own though he wasn't her legal father. He explained in a comment that his ex-girlfriend had her daughter at 17 and that when the kid's biological father found out, he moved to live with another family member. "I took her to school, spent time with her and even helped out financially with things like clothes, school supplies and some activities," he mentioned. However, now that he had broken up with the girl's mother, he didn't want anything to do with them. "I've decided that I don't want to be involved in their lives anymore, especially when it comes to financial support," he added. 

Recently, his ex reached out, expecting him to help with her daughter’s expenses, since he was "closest thing she ever had to a father." When he responded that despite his care for the child he wasn't legally obligated to pay child support, the ex-girlfriend called him "heartless." She accused him of abandoning the child and leaving her in the lurch after six years of being her father figure. "Some people said I should continue helping out, at least for the child's sake, because I built such a strong bond with her. But I feel like this isn't my responsibility anymore. I don't want to be tied to my ex in any way and paying for a child that isn't mine seems unfair," he added. This post sparked a debate in the comments. 

Most users sided with the dad's perspective. "Her daughter is her responsibility, not yours. If you feel like you want to help that’s fine, but you’re under no obligation. Also, don’t let your ex guilt trip you into feeling bad for her situation," said u/Ok-Standard6024. "Let's pretend you stay in her life and support her. What happens when your ex finds a new boyfriend and they want to make a happy family without you? You have no legal right to this child. That is one reason I don't date people with kids. The kids are always the ones who get hurt the most," pointed out u/No-You5550. "She’ll depend on you for financial support but still tell you you’re not the father when it comes to other decisions regarding the kid. You’ll be treated as an ATM, not a father figure," added u/igotnothineither.

On the other hand, a few commenters urged the man to think about the child’s wellbeing. "You should never have taken on the role of surrogate father if you did not intend to follow it through. You shouldn't just disappear, but instead, slowly reduce contact so it's less traumatic for the child," said u/Hey-Just-Saying. "You loved her like your own for six years and now you’re just done? Don’t play house. Don’t play dad. It’s not fair to this little girl," chimed in u/MelissalsBBQing. "One of those ones where everyone is talking about what your rights are as opposed to what is right. Disappearing without explanation out of a child's life is your right, but it's not right," chimed in u/Few-Coat1297.