Man says his wife 'unloads' childcare and chores on him during his break from work, sparking debate

Raising an infant is no child's play. The initial days are extremely challenging for both parents. However, being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) means that most childrearing and household chores become the woman's responsibility. A man—who goes by u/Varrock-Lobster on Reddit—shared his pitiful situation where his stay-at-home wife barely contributes anything to the household as promised and their relationship is on the verge of a breakdown. The 35-year-old man revealed on the post how he took a break from his office to avoid burnout, but instead, his wife used the opportunity to dump baby duties and household chores on him.

He revealed in the post that it was the couple's collective decision for the wife to be a stay-at-home mom and he would be the sole breadwinner in the family. However, his work environment turned crazy after the company lost an important member. On top of that, for the past 3 months, his home environment hadn't looked any better either. The man wrote in his post how he got up with their baby daughter at 5 a.m. and changed her nappy along with fixing her breakfast. At 8:15 a.m., his wife took over the baby's duties briefly. While working from home, the new dad showers and takes his coffee and breakfast till 8:30 a.m.

From 12:30 p.m., he was also burdened with laundry, loading the dishwasher and making dinner. He had to pause his work at 5 p.m. and make dinner or go shopping to stock their pantry, then he played with his daughter before getting her ready for bedtime. He had to go back to work till 1 a.m. That was how his chaotic schedule had been going for a while. With his wife sleeping for longer hours on weekends, the man realized their lifestyle was not sustainable anymore. "I have lost so much weight from the stress and exhaustion. We have had several conversations about changes that can be made, but the outcome is always that this is just how it has to be until the work crisis calms down. I am not in a position to be looking for another job at this time," the man wrote.

Feeling that he was about to hit his breaking point, the man booked an emergency time off from his job for 2 days. His wife seemed to empathize with him until the two holidays came. "All of a sudden, she has plans. She is getting her nails done, going for coffee and has gardening things that cannot wait. When she came home, she had bought things for the nursery that had to be built and put in place that afternoon for some unknown reason. I didn't do it and that in itself caused an argument," the post continued. He nearly broke down in tears upon realizing that his wife was taking his breaks as her vacation days.

The Reddit community was left divided over the hardships the couple are facing. While the majority supported the man, few justified that the wife needs a break too. u/Squirrel4Lunch advised, "Book yourself into a hotel and rest. If you're working from home, can you perhaps go to a cafe or a coffee shop at the mall and be there until knock-off? So that you have those hours uninterrupted. She's a SAHM. She's meant to do laundry and meals." u/imSOhere noted, "Marriage is a partnership. If one of you is hurting, the other one needs to step up and protect you. Having a home, creating a home means having a safe place where you can relax and heal. I have been married for over 24 years, and the way I see it, if I don’t protect my husband, who will?"

u/Ilovesucculents_24 shared, "This is why I, as a female, have a high earning, master's degree level career, and bring the equality to the table in our marriage. My husband and I both work full-time, high-stress jobs, so we have learned to see from each other's looking glass work/life balance and home/life balance. We've learned to split chores, bills, and time. It makes it an even playing field and we both just get each other." u/Holiday-Meringue-101 added, "Get a therapist to help you set boundaries with your wife. You are doing more than your fair share. You need someone to guide you who is not biased. Her family may agree or disagree with you stopping the overuse of your time. You are a people pleaser and you need to learn to say no."