A spendthrift girlfriend tried to treat her boyfriend like a ‘personal ATM’ — then got offended at his blunt reply
She is studying and working part-time, but spends more money than her boyfriend with a full-time job
Should the 'my money is your money' rule apply while dating? This 26-year-old man, who goes by u/Open_Address_2805 on Reddit, did not seem to think so, and for good reason. On April 30, he shared how he confronted his 'spendthrift' girlfriend that his money was his own, and would not allow her to spend it because she did not know how to manage hers. They had been dating for two years, and he was working a full-time corporate finance job, earning $95,000. She is in her last year of law school and working part-time, earning $40,000. To date, the post has reached 10,000 upvotes and 3000 comments.
Disagreements
For more context, the man and his girlfriend lived with their parents and did not have to pay any bills. The man himself admitted to living a frugal lifestyle, while his girlfriend believed that "it's just money, I'll make more, it's all about the memories." She would often spend lavishly on gifts for him, her friends, food, and transportation. The boyfriend often advised her to be smart and responsible with her finances, but she thought he was being "cheap" and not "living in the moment." Whenever they tried to have this conversation, she would say things like, "What good is your stock portfolio/savings if you die tomorrow?"
Your money, my money?
Recently, the girlfriend was ranting about barely having any savings. Instead of letting it go, the boyfriend doubled down and pointed out the fact that she spends almost all of her paycheck and was not saving enough. Surprisingly, she responded, "It's not the end of the world if I run out because you've got some, right? I don't want to use your money, but if I don't have any, you've got enough for the both of us, don't you?"
The boyfriend was stunned by her assumption and made it clear that his money was his own. Yes, he would pay for more dinners, dates, and snacks, because he earned significantly more than she did, but that didn't mean that she was allowed to use his money. She got angry and called him names, but he stood firm and did not budge. He even told her how financial incompatibility was one of the main reasons for divorce, and they had to work through it if they wanted the relationship to work. He does not want her to view him as her "personal ATM."
What is the norm?
It is natural to share with a significant other, especially in a committed relationship. Some couples even go as far as sharing bank accounts. However, a recent Bankrate survey revealed that even committed couples (62%) tend to keep a few bank accounts separate in their name. Financial literacy advocate Rayna McClane said, "If you’re combining finances, you’re not just commingling your assets. You’re also commingling your liabilities." The statement is appropriate in the case of the boyfriend. While his girlfriend is still spending recklessly, merging their finances would be a bad idea.
The people in the comments sided with the boyfriend on this post. u/trinitrotolerance commented, "NTA. The problem with her attitude isn’t that you’re unwilling to share; it’s that the moment you do, she will suddenly expand her current habits to the new 'expanded' budget, no matter what it is. Her presumption tells it all." u/AccomplishedRow6685 added, "Doesn’t mean she’s good with money or a good partner, but if she’s a full-time law student and still earns $40k working part time, girl is hustling."
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