Fiancée controlled every dollar he earned while she hid money in secret accounts — when he checked their bank statement, he called off the wedding

Having finances controlled by someone else before even marrying them can be one of the biggest red flags in a relationship. A 32-year-old man who goes by u/yepyougotme on Reddit shared how he endured months of financial torture from his fiancée right after they moved in together. His fiancée had three children from her previous marriage, but that did not faze him at all. They had been dating for 8 months, and the author thought she was his soulmate until she started controlling his money. However, the final straw came when the author discovered joint account transactions. The post was shared on September 11, 2021. 

Control freak

The author had been working hard to pay off his debts before the wedding so that he could buy a house with their fiancée. However, every penny he earned was being managed by his fiancée. She wanted to have a joint account, but the author refused because he did not want it to be a 'control situation.' Eventually, the woman started controlling all the financial decisions. In fact, the author had to ask her even before buying a $4 sinus medication.

The man was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at 20 years old and got their colon removed at 25. Because of it, he needed to eat more. However, his fiancée often questioned his eating habits. Afraid of her confrontations, the author would often sneak food at work to satisfy his hunger. Additionally, he would be in trouble if he accidentally took something that belonged to the kids, and she would complain about wasting food if he left the leftovers in the fridge for the others.

The escape plan

In addition to restricting the author's meals, she forced him to work harder. The person was already working 70 hours a week, but she told him he could work more to earn extra money. One time, the author rested for 10 minutes after he returned home from work and was accused of not making better use of his time. Frustrated, the author decided to call off their wedding. 

A week later, the author shared an update about his plan. He said that he has planned to rent a car, load his things, and move to his parents' house in another state. The person decided to transfer all the money from the joint account to his new account, change his number, get a new phone, and leave. However, when the author printed the account's transactions, he wrote, "There were so many Amazon charges, charges for going out to eat, transfers of money to different accounts, and everything... It looks like she was transferring money, so I couldn't track it all." On September 25, the author shared that he finally did it. He managed to get a rental car and reclaimed his independence and control over his life. He ended the post, writing, "This has been the best thing I've ever done for myself and my well-being... I've got a meeting with a lawyer next week to get it taken care of."

The joint account jitters

Creating a joint account as a couple is not something extraordinary, but the author knew it would create problems in the future. Just like him, many couples refuse to share ownership of their bank accounts. For instance, a Bankrate survey found that 62% of couples in committed relationships prefer to keep some bank accounts in their name only, and only 38% completely combine their finances. Similarly, the survey revealed that 26% of respondents keep their finances strictly separate, and 36% have both joint and separate accounts.

'Let your lawyer deal with her' 

Meanwhile, netizens were relieved to see that the author finally got away from his toxic ex-fiancée and that his escape plan worked out. u/sicrm wrote, "Looks like you’re on the right track. Congrats and let your lawyer deal with any communication from her." u/Badkitty532 added, "I'm so beyond proud of you. You are going to finally live a happy life, and I'm so happy that your friends and family are supporting you through all this. You are setting yourself up for a great future, and I hope all your days are happy ones. Congratulations."

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